Tuesday, December 12

Ooh, One of These Days, One of These Days

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Edward Custardon, a fourty six year old builder and song composer, was involved yet again, in an argument with his wife, Phyllis Custarton, a thirty eight year old housewife and lyricist.   What made them indifferent from other couples is that when they got really syked-up in their domestic rows, it would turn into another song.  Edward sat on his drum-kit and beat the drum with his drumsticks to draw attention.  He shouted and sang out aloud.

    “So you wanna have another arguement, baby baby baby?”  Phyllis rubbed her nose and walked aristocratically upto him.

       “It’s not what what I’d call an arguement baby.  It’s another futile attempt of mine to knock some sense into that empty had of yours, you great big oaf.”  Sang out Phyllis, retaining her composure and holding a mike in her right hand.  Edward knocked the drumsticks hard again on the drums and began to frown, yelling out and singing.

     “Ever since we met, you’ve been on and on about my breakfast, lunch and dinner!  Well, let me tell you now, I’ve…Ive….I’ve had enough!”  “From now on…I’ll be makin’ my own meals, baby!  So there, huh!”

     “Well, that’ll be the day.  Especially for a man who can’t learn how to brush his teeth before he goes to bed.”  Sang out Phyllis, holding the mike to her lips and strolling around their living room elegantly like a peacock.

       Edward began to perspire and lose his cool.  He was a large man, who resembled Meatloaf, the brilliant and talented singer.  He even looked like him.  He was twenty two stones and wore a whte frilled shirt and black trousers and plimsoles. He pushed his stool back and grabbed his mike and walked upto his wife, pushing his long hair aside.  Likewise, Phyllis had permed bubbly hair, just like the evergreen and talented singer, Cher.  She was even dressed in a black silky dress like her as she strolled around the room in black high heels.

     “That’s it, you…you’ve really gone too far this time.  How dare you accuse me of not brushing my teeth!  Baby, baby, baby!”

     “Well, ever since I remember, you’ve just been a great big over-grown baby and I’M DOING ALL THE CHORES!”

     Edward rushed back to his drumkit and tossed his drumsticks high up in the air in frustration, 

really starting to lose control of himself now.  He looked around frantically and saw a tin of biscuits on the table closeby.  He grabbed it and flung the lid aside and grabbed a few chocolate chip cookies and rammed them in his mouth, munched them up and sang out. 

      “I’m really starting to get on fire now, baby, baby, baby.  I’m gonna have to tell you to leave this place right now, baby, baby, baby!”  Phyillis, couldn’t resist a loud laugh and rubbed her nose again with her left hand and sung out aloud in the mike, staring at her hubby.

     “Oh yeah, so it’s like that now, is it.  Well, if you so much as dare to touch even ONE of my handbags or shoes, I’ll throw all your c.ds in the bin.  I’m not leavin’ ‘coz AH LIVE HERE, YOU GREAT ‘OAF!”

      “Well, if that’s how you feel, baby, then ALRIGHT, I WON’T TOUCH YOUR STUFF.  But you’re leavin’ and that’s that!”  “Baby, baby baby!”  

Now things were really out of control and Phyllis found herself in a really tough situation and walked right up to Edward’s face, holding her mike and sang out at the top of her voice, really loud in a scream.

     “Oh yeah, well listen to this; I’M TAKIN’THE BABY WITH ME!!!!”  Edward produced a hankdkerchieffrom his left-side trouser pocket and wiped his forehead with his right hand and pushed back his hair which were coming in his eyes, due to the high energy level of the fight.  He took a deep breath and then yelled out in a fit of rage and anger.

     “Ooh!  take the baby.  It’s just a plastic Cindy doll anyway, baby, baby, baby!”Phyilliswas now in control of the fight and decided to go for the kill.  This was the punchline she had been waiting for, and what she called, ‘THEKILL’.

      “Well, you great big oaf, there’s one thin’you forgot.  It’s not Cindy.   It’s…BABBIE!”

       “Not Babbie, huh, you mean, BARBIE.  Can you hear, I said Barbie.  Repeat after me B-A-R-B-I-E!!!”

       “Huh!”  “Well, who cares.  She maybe a Barbie baby, but I call her BABBY!”  TO this, Edward yelled out and screamed, clutching his hair with both his hands.

     “Ooh, one of these days, one of these days!” To which, Phyllis rubbed her nose one last time, with her left hand, and left the room, slamming the door behind her, laughing as Edward lay on the floor, wriggling in frustration.

The End.


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