NORTH POLE, CHRISTMAS 2010-The golf season at the North Pole is short so people like Santa, his elves and others from here are very poor golfers. No matter how much they want to, becoming proficient at the game presents the same obstacles year after year. Everyone’s got that over the top golf swing. How can one learn a proper swing in the course of a month–and-a-half golf season? And businesses that cater to golfers are rarer than scores in the 80s in these parts. Consumers don’t have a great need to update their golf lessons and equipment other than stocking up on those orange Top Flites. Poor Santa Claus had reached his wits end.
Most people have conflicts involving business and family. That wasn’t the case with Santa. There’s Mrs. Claus, of course, but her interests by now are mostly trying to manage Santa’s cholesterol. And his work year basically consists of one day. Well, one madcap evening to be precise. You don’t really think it was him who answered your letter in 1962 do you? No, Santa really should be a scratch player but for the ice and snow.
Most golf instructors are reluctant to travel 3,000 miles for a 45 day golf season so golf instruction here is practically non-existent. Santa, however, manages to fit a twilight lesson in on Christmas Day at Doral before the reindeer whisk him back to the chilly north. Therein lies St. Nick’s problem. Many of the elves residing at the North Pole are self-taught golfers but they routinely kick Santa’s ass. Every year his trip back home from sunny Miami is filled with optimism at how he would soon squash each and every one of those elves and take their money at the 19th hole. Talk about visions of sugar plums dancing in your head….
But alas, each year saw the same result. Mrs. Claus admonishing Santa for losing his hard-earned cookies and milk to those pesky and opportunistic elves. “The golf lessons are too difficult” he would cry out. “They are asking a 350 lb. man to swing inside out, impact the ball with a square clubface and finish in perfect balance on my left side.”
Well guess what? Santa discovered the secret to the elves’ domination. The mystery of how a bunch of dwarfs were able to consistently get into the big guy’s pocket was known as the Over The Top Golf swing . Santa, along with about a half-million hackers throughout the world, had wandered right past the solution to all of their golf swing problems. The ability to walk confidently up to the tee and smack a long drive straight down the fairway was now in the bag and man, would he make those elves pay.
It was Mrs. Claus who learned about Over The Top Golf from a child’s letter. The youngster had learned the Over The Top Golf swing, began shooting under par and was asking for a new set of Mizunos so he could pursue his dream of playing on the PGA Tour. Santa discovered that, by employing just five set-up changes, he could use his own swing to achieve great results on the links. And of course, by now, his handicap was up to a hefty 30 strokes.
The elves never had a chance.