Friday, December 15

The Top 13 Scariest Predictions For 2011

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Don’t fear fictional predictions…

1)    A prominent rightwing talk show host will shuffle off this mortal coil all too soon as he is decapitated in a gruesome head shaving accident.  His 3rd ex wife will claim that she didn’t know you couldn’t get a lawn mower to do that.

2)     North Korea will use the internet to take over the entire US military apparatus for 11.2233 seconds.  During this time they will nuke South Korea into oblivion and reduce their own country to a wasteland due to the radioactive fallout. 

China and Russia will go to def con 4 and demand that the US, which clearly cannot be trusted with nukes, give them up.  Obama, who always hated the US anyway, will give away half our nukes.  ¼ to Russia and ¼ to China.  China and Russia will still be fuming and Obama who bows deeply to potted plants and dictators will publically kiss the behinds of Chinese and Russian leaders and declare to the UN that he submits the United States to its moral superiors, namely the whole darned world.

3)    Every ATM in the entire world will be simultaneously compromised.  Every ATM transaction in the world will deposit money into accounts in North Korea. 

Much of the west stops trusting electronic money.  The west collapses.  Mexico, realizing that America was at best ruled by idiots and at worst ruled by well bribed traitors, invades the US.  Obama surrenders.  No one really notices—how is that really different from what is going on right now?

4)    All GPS data will be accidently scrambled which will lead to the inadvertent deaths of 5,000 people world wide.   Governments worldwide will swear up and down that they will fix this.   Then a mass coronal ejection will scramble all GPS data again and 11,111 people will die.

5)    The biggest winter freeze in history will be blamed on Global Warming.  People all over the world will conclude that even science is a political lie and all those who supported “Climate Change” will be thrown out of politics, government and even scientific endeavors.  In the history books Global Warming and Climate Change will be called the biggest hoaxes and frauds in human history.

6)    A YouTube video of the last words of a TSA inspector will go viral.  Before the terrorist being searched while waiting in line to board an airplane sets off his bomb, the TSA worker giving the enhanced pat down will be clearly heard to say:  “Those aren’t deviled eggs.  That’s a b…”

7)    A group of sophisticated devices will be set off in every city in the state of Arizona.  They will be EMP bombs that do not directly harm people but will destroy every piece of electronic machinery in the state.  The terrorists will thank President Hussein for personally inviting them in, leaving the door open, and keeping Arizona law enforcement busy while they did their dirty work.   Thousands will die of secondary causes due the lack of power.

8)    During the summer of 2011 the entire state of Texas will be powered off the heat of summer sun as new dual purpose solar cells will use heat and light to power the state.  So much sunlight and heat will be consumed that the average summertime temperature of the state will drop three degrees.

9)    First will come from the laboratories new generations of nano filters, nano factories and nano machines.  These devices will be able to filter any substance, solid, gas or liquid and find any desired constituent including silver, gold, platinum, palladium, catalysts, complex carbohydrates, fuel, food and fibers.  Given what these devices will do, some will call then “Tea. Earl Gray. Hot.”  Or Replicators.

10)                       A new generation of billionaires will arise.  They will make their fortunes mining garbage for gold, platinum, palladium, fuel, food, whatever with the new nano devices.

11)                       Maxwell’s demo is alive and well and living in your future heating and cooling system.  The first generation of nano coolers and heaters will require small amounts of power or will use thermocouples to activate them.  But they will require no power to change air or water temperature.  Rather they will be built of nano machines that operate as one way valves.  The nano machines will preferentially let fast or slow molecules through while blocking the other.  Or they will preferentially reflect fast or slow molecules.  The first generation may also require fans to keep the air circulating.  A later generation will require no power of any kind.  Any well sealed house equipped with enough of the devices will draw warm air from the coldest climate or cool air from the hottest place on earth.  They will be called Maxwell’s Demon devices because they will let in only the molecules whose speeds will change the temperature in the desired direction.

12)                       The first accidents caused by the Maxwell’s Demon devices will be mysterious, but eventually it will be noticed that someone left a Maxwell heater in the same room as the gunpowder or the gasoline.  And they left the  Demon on.  A later generation of the devices will have only theoretical limits for how hot or cold they can get.  They will in theory if left alone get hot enough to melt metal or cold enough to liquefy air.  When packaged or stored improperly they will produce unwanted cold or hotspots that will get people killed and property destroyed.

13)                       Chairman Barack Hussein Obama, aka, foreign born Marxist Muslim Barry Soetoro, will declare martial law.  Then First Comrade Obama will make a presidential finding that disagreeing with the President For Life, President Hussein is a crime punishable by death.  Obama will order all republicans picked up for “opinion audits.” 

14)                       Hackers will steal millions of credit cards electronically via the internet and load them all up with billions in bogus charges.  Five countries that were hubs for credit card transactions will immediately go bankrupt.  Consumers sensing blood in the water will charge $1 trillion before the system can be shut down.  No one knows for sure who owes who what.  Thousands of businesses go bankrupt.  The Great Depression of 2011 ensues.

First the dogs disappear.  Then the grass.  Then….

15)                       All paralyzed people will walk due to stem cell research.

16)                       Iran reveals that it had secretly built an extensive network of underground missile silos right before launching all 111 of the missiles at Israel.  Israel says nothing and does even less.  11 minutes later all of the missiles turn around and completely destroy the Persian nation.

17)                       A leftwing group that says that it supported Obama in 2008, conspires to get a group of Tea Baggers to meet at a site where the Marxists have planted a bomb.  They evil commies blow the bomb and blame the blast on a group of rival Tea Baggers.

18)                       The governments of the world will ban together to shut down the internet rather than risk that the dangerous official lies they have been telling would be revealed.

19)                       After the internet is shut down, some clever folks will create a new internet that uses only cell phones and conference calling. 

20)                       Governments of the world will turn back the old internet back on but in order to use it you must first swear an oath of loyalty to the new world order.  The penalty for misuse is instant death.

21)                       Terrorists will find a bomb that is set off by the backscatter naked body scanning radar that the TSA uses.  After a few airports are blown up the naked body scanners will be removed and the government will depend entirely on the official sexual molestation called enhanced pat downs.  Government will stick its hands down your pants.  Then the terrorists switch to pressure sensitive explosives that are triggered only when inquisitive pat downs gets very intimate…

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