LOVE – THE ERRONEOUS ZONE
It was 7.40 pm, and I along with my friend Rajesh was sitting in the waiting room, waiting eagerly for the train which was almost late by 6 hours. It is really very difficult to kill time waiting for the train. Time seems to have come to a standstill in such situations. I can even notice the slightest tick of the minute hand. As it is said, whenever we don’t have anything to do, our mind starts wandering around those memories of our lives which have affected us the most. So was the case with me .Actually our mind is like a pack of wild horses pulling it in different directions and whenever we try to tame one of those horses, the others go wild and start making us uncomfortable, and finally the most powerful horse starts taking control of our mind and our thought process starts acting that way. (Like in the last one year, the horse that was controlling my mind was that of love and emotions and academic horse lagged far behind and I start blaming my luck and destiny for my failures – sorry that was just a confession).
So the endgame depends on how well we tame and mange all those horses and hence polarize our mind waves towards the utopian success that everyone dreamt of but only a few are able to see that world of success.
Hence, it totally depends on us what we want to be in our life and whatever we get is truly from what we have desired from core of our heart. And moreover, if we want to be our true self , we need to befriend the devil in us which resides in us in the form of negative emotions , fear and anxiety .We always deny it to be there in us and it shows its presence and come back more forcefully whenever we try to desert it .So don’t try to be that good which you are not , rather try to be your original self and try to enslave that devil in you in the guise of friendship, so that next time it wont trouble you.
Thus by now, (only if you have managed to read this crap till this) you must be thinking that this person is a big psycho.
Yes I am a psycho and actually I have gone mad a little bit, no not a little bit, rather I am fully frustrated as I got dumped by my girlfriend for whom I was ready to sacrifice every good thing of my life and when I asked her- are you dumping me ? do you know what her reply was, with a smile on her face that seems to come from deep within her heart , “yes I am dumping you” and when I asked her , “what should I do now, as I cant live without you” as any broken heart like me would say if encountered with such a painful situation .So I also asked her the same question with tears struggling hard to come out of my eyes and I was pulling myself together to help my deeply wounded soul to stand against that gamut of painful emotions and to ask her a very simple question – “why are you doing this to me ? Where should I go now?” and what her prompt reply was “as I have already dumped you, the best thing that you can do is go and get decomposed- if you can’t live without me”.
As soon as those words come out of her mouth, the very next moment my life changed forever. My heart nearly stopped beating. Legs started to tremble and shock stole my breath. I could feel the malevolence crawling over my skin, scalp and soles of my feet. For a moment I thought it to be a nightmare and I would awake in few minutes to find that I had been dreaming. But the bitter fact was that it was no dream. I had been abandoned by her. I could not believe my ears, how can she say that to me. What had I done wrong? How did I fail her? But she was gone, gone forever. She was drowned far away with time and I was there only coping with my utter failure in relation with her and wondering that whether she was the same girl who was always ready to live and die with me come what may be the circumstances. And as she was going away from me , she was not going alone, her magnetic aura was dragging my liveliness, my dreams, my strength and my happiness with her.
By this time you must be sure that, he is not just a psycho, but also a big emotional fool and that too in today’s world where one doesn’t have enough time even for one’s own sorrows, and he is crying.
Yes, you are very much right as you can’t even imagine the pain and agony of the internally wounded soul which is so shattered into pieces that even time can heal it and fear – fear of making close relations and then losing someone-someone very special and close to your heart, whom you have valued even more than your life, even time can’t wipe such fear out of you.
So, waiting in the waiting room for the train, I was trying every bit to find the answer to the only relevant question left in my life as everything else had become secondary for me–why the hell on earth she ditched me, where did I go wrong? And has she really dumped me and if so why?
So, as I sat there, everything started refreshing in my mind and when I go back to those days, when it all started, everything starts moving like a movie in front of my eyes. I was in HCL and the day I think was 22nd of Dec, 2008, when I got a call in the morning hours at around 8 am. I was in night shifts in HCL that time. So after waking up for whole night I was trying to sleep to prepare myself for next night torture in office when my mobile started beeping at its maximum tone. With lot of efforts, as my eyes were struggling hard to shut down, somehow I managed to see the screen of my mobile. It was displaying some unknown number, so I received the call else I would have rejected it even if it was from CEO of HCL, so desperate, I was to sleep that time. But when I accepted the call, before I could utter something rubbish to person at the other end to vomit my frustration, the voice that entered my ears was very sweet and somewhat familiar, asking me if I remembered her.
Before I could reply anything I pinched myself twice so as to assure that I was not dreaming as everyday I use to chat with girls in dreams. So I replied with “no” and asked her, her name.”I am Swati, Swati Parihar”’ she replied.” and you helped me in fixing my mobile few months back outside medical college, Gandhi Nagar”. Then I remembered how I met her 2-3 months back in September ending when I and my friend Paul were having burger from a roadside shop just outside Girls medical college and enjoying the beauty of girls. We were busy clicking their pics with our eyes and storing it in our cerebellum when out of the blue we saw a girl entering the same alley, as our rented house was in. If you look through my heart, she was the most beautiful girl, I have ever seen till that time and maybe even till today. In her early twenties, with a slim provocative figure, exotic look, gray eyes, high cheekbones and long and dark hair, she seems to be an angel who had landed on earth, straight from heaven. Strands of hair had loose from under her brown scarf. She tucked them behind her ears and wiped her forehead with her handkerchief before twisting her ponytail back into a tight knot.
With pink sleeveless top and black denim jeans that she wore, she looked little more than a teenager. The only touch of glamour was her small earrings in the shape of pave style diamond. She unscrews the top of her water bottle to quench her thirst. It was warm but she was too thirsty to care and started drinking in great gulps.
The Sun was shining brightly in the endless blue sky. She could feel the beads of sweat on her upper lips. She took a deep breath and waited for the world to come to a standstill and then she started walking towards a phone booth. As she started walking her gait was so enthralling that it would shake all the young hearts like me who have just completed their college world. I wished that time if ever I would get few minutes of her precious life just to talk to her, to listen to her voice, to capture her looks in my heart and to shield them from the external disturbances forever. So finally unable to control the flow of my young blood, and unable to resist my temptation to listen to her voice, I told Paul that I am going to talk to her, I don’t know what , but I am going. So he left the place as any intelligent person will do in order to avoid the foreseen trouble. I went alone finally and asked her “May I
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