Some people feel tricked, trapped or like failures. Others do everything under the sun to change their partner, change themselves, or figure out why their relationship is different from their dreams. However, when reality hits, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with your relationship. It simply means we re being given a chance to grow and face some facts.
There are facts about relationship that no one ever told you. When you learn to live with them, relationship tangles loosen, solutions come easily, and your relationship grows. Here are six basic facts. Absorb them into your life and see how things ease up and how much happier you become.
1) Relationships are not static. They can, will and must change.
No two people stay the same during the course of a life time. Their needs, wishes, and interests vary. It is unreasonable to expect that relationship partners will grow and change in the same ways, at the same time. It is not necessary for the two of you to always think the same way, enjoy the same activities or people, or be in the same place at the same time. Just because you have different tastes or interests doesn’t mean something is going wrong.
For relationships to remain vital it is necessary to have a core of mutual interests, activities and desires, but, it is just as crucial to make room for differences between you. Differences mean you are growing, and will have even more love and understanding to bring to your partner in the long run.
2) Romantic feelings of excitement, intoxication and infatuation necessarily wax and wane.
Many people expect to feel “in love” with their partner on a daily basis. By this they mean having romantic feelings of excitement and infatuation, feeling as though they can’t wait to see the person, and miss them if they’re gone. However, there is a crucial difference between loving a partner and being “in love”. Romantic feelings of excitement, intoxication and infatuation necessarily wax and wane. love is not based upon fluctuating feelings, but upon a solid foundation of mutual respect, consideration and communication. Love is often tested in the fire, and frequently sacrifice is needed. In order to truly love, one must grow as a person. That is what relationships are for – to help you grow in your ability to discover what love really is..
3) Love is not dependency. It’s important to be able to stand on your own.
You must be able to be who you are, have friends and activities of your own. Your partner also has to have time alone with friends, interests and private space. Love always includes trust of the other. The less you suffocate and possess him, the more they will want to be with you
and respect you. From that basis, a lot of love can grow.
4) Being angry doesn’t mean you do not love.
Some feel that as soon as they are angry or their partner are angry, love has gone out the door. Of course, if anger goes on for too long, or is not dealt with properly, it certainly can erode the quality of a relationship. But being angry is simply a sign that it is time for good, open, honest, careful communication to take place. When you bottle up your needs and feelings then all that has been hidden will can create anger. But, when you recognize anger, as it arises, and freely discuss the issues causing it, the relationship grows. Take anger as a sign that you are being given an opportunity to communicate and know each other more fully. Let it bring you closer, not further apart.
5) It s crucial to carve out quality time for one another.
It s necessary to carve out special time to be together in a quality way. Living together it’s easy to take one another for granted. But just because the person is there physically, does not necessarily mean you’re sharing quality time. Children, errands, pressures at work and social obligations can create a whir of activity, but not intimate time between the two of you. Carve out intimate time for the two of you to be alone. Go some place special. Make time to talk and have fun alone. This is a wonderful refresher to every marriage and should be done weekly.
6) Being together for a long time doesn’t have to take the magic away.
There is no way to replace a person who you’ve gone through the years with. The sense of continuity and trust that develops is priceless. As the years pass you know each other better and better, whatever happens you both know there is someone there for you, who understands what you are going through. As your ability to share grows, the burdens of life diminish greatly, and, if you look at the person with grateful eyes, the joys intensify as well.
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