Thursday, December 14

Our Biggest Regret

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Though regrets are not a good thing to have in life we all have them. Out of all the regrets that we have there is usually one that stands out from all of the others. What is our biggest regret?

For me, it would have to be Schoolteacher Anne. She is the closest I’ve ever come to being married but everything was dashed one summer night in August of 2004. We had been dating for seven months and reaching the point of turning our re pore into a relationship. We connected on just about every level though I still had physical reservations about her. Sexually, things would be fine but love, that was another story.

We would take hikes together, laugh a lot, get into great deep thought provoking conversations and generally enjoy each others company. What would turn out to be our last date as well as last time seeing each other was initially set up under ideal conditions. Every summer in Santa Monica, California they have concerts once a week on the pier next to the beach. This was going to be a perfect night that would take Anne and I to the next level and possibly lead to something serious between us. She brought a friend and so did I. They seemed to get on well enough for Anne and I to spend time together without interruption. The perfect set up and everything seemed ideal and in its right place in the universe.

Like a lot of people I had my ideal in what I wanted in a woman. I felt Anne was close but not quite there. I still felt I could do better so things were not all together there for me on what was supposed to be one of the most special nights ever for me. That night Anne showed more affection for me then any of the previous seven months. She kissed on me in different places, rubbed me, hugged me and grind ed on me while dancing. However, it was all to no avail as I just didn’t feel enough to reciprocate. I suppose at the time I felt that if I did react then I would be entering a serious relationship with somebody I didn’t feel completely whole with and would be doing both of us a disservice. I couldn’t be more wrong in my life then I was then! Of course she was confused and hurt and the evening ended with us going our separate ways. Several months later it hit me how much I screwed up as I called her. She was in a new relationship and in fact was living with the guy.

As time went by I realized how hard it was for me to find a woman that I came so close to being in a relationship that could have led to marriage was. This holds true six years later as it is difficult to write about as I have never gotten over my major regret. I remember at the time thinking that the significance of my time with Anne the schoolteacher would dissolve as soon as I got into my next serious relationship but unfortunately that would never happen. So here I am six years later still heart broken over Schoolteacher Anne and unfortunately still live through the biggest regret of my life.


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