Blonde Joke Disclaimer: If you are offended by the “dumb blonde” stereotype, feel free to just generally consider these as “dumb person” jokes, and merely attempts to take folly in a lighthearted view, hopefully providing a laugh in exchange for cleverly pointing out a bit of stupidity.
1. The Bet
A blonde enters a bar and sits next to a brunette as they watch the 6 o’clock news on television. On the news is a story about a man on a rooftop threatening to jump to his death. The brunette leans over to the blonde and says “I bet you a hundred bucks he jumps.” The blonde says, “I’ll take that bet — there’s no way he’ll jump!”
The two ladies watch as the tension builds, until the man indeed jumps to his doom. The blonde sighs and begins forking over the cash, until the brunette shakes her head and wave sit away. “I’m sorry, I can’t take your money. I already saw this story on the 12 o’clock news, so I already knew he would jump.”
The blonde says “Well I saw it on the 12 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he’d jump again!”
2. Pull Over
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver and requests identification. The driver hands over a small mirror. The cop takes a look, hands it back, and says “Sorry about that ma’am, I wouldn’t have pulled you over if I knew you were a cop!”
3. It Hurts All Over
A blonde arrives at the doctor’s office for her appointment. “What seems to be the problem?” the doctors asks. “Well,” the blonde explains, “It hurts everywhere!” The doctors frowns and asks, “What is “it”? What do you mean?” The blonde says “Watch!” and begins poking herself in different parts of her body, each time saying “Ow!” After having thoroughly poked herself all over, she incredulously stares the doctor down and says “See?!”
The doctor smiles and says, “I have a diagnosis for you: Your finger’s broken.”
4. Pizza Slices
The server asked if the blonde would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please,” she explained, “I could never eat twelve!”
5. My Television
A brunette walks into the superstore and approaches the returns desk, loudly complaining that her television does not work. She even places it on the counter, pointing at it in anger. The clerk smiles and says to her, “You dye your hair, don’t you? You’re a natural blonde.” The faux brunette was stunned and asked, “How do you know?”
The clerk pointed to the device on the counter and said, “Because this is a microwave.”
6. Animal Tracks
Three blondes were taking a walk outdoors when they came upon a set of tracks.
“Oh, those are raccoon tracks,” the first blonde said.
“No way, these are deer tracks,” the second blonde insisted.
“You’re both wrong, they are definitely moose tracks,” the third blonde retorted.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
7. The Puzzle
A blonde is sitting at her kitchen table, exasperated, as she is trying to figure out a puzzle. “What’s wrong honey?” her husband approaches and asks, taking a seat nearby.
“I just can’t figure out this stupid puzzle!” she complains, sorting through the pieces.
The husband chuckled and frowned, “Well, what is it supposed to be?”
“Well the picture on the box shows that it’s a tiger,” the blonde replied.
The husband sighed, shaking his head. “That’s a box of Frosted Flakes breakfast cereal, honey.”
8. Locked Car
Two blondes are standing by a car as one is trying to unlock the door with a coat hanger.
“Ugh! I just can’t get this open!” she complained.
The second one responded, “Well you’d better hurry up — it’s starting to rain and the top is down!”
9. The Hundred Dollar Bill
Q: If Santa Claus, the U.S. President, and a smart blonde were walking down the street and came across a $100 bill, who would be the first to pick it up?
A: It will be the President, because the other two don’t exist.
A dumb blonde is tired of all the jokes at her expense, so she dyes her hair and now appears to be a redhead. While taking a drive through the counter, she comes across a farm and pulls over, excitedly chatting up the farmer.
“Wow, these sheep are so cute!” she said, looking at the dozens that he had. “If I guess how many you have, can I take one home? Please?”
The farmer laughed and said, “Sure! Take your best guess.”
“129,” she nodded.
The farmer was dumbfounded. “Uh, yeah… that’s right,” he admitted, shrugging as he allowed her to take her pick.
As she was walking back to her car, the farmer approached her to say one more thing.
“If I guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?”