Friday, December 15

Do You Love Me?

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When was the moment in life, we first realized yeah I was in love. In childhood? Perhaps not. In school or college or in work may be, may not be? In fact the answer to this question gets more confused with more and more understanding of what love is. I wonder if we ever asked to our parents whether they love us. Or do we love them? So, I feel love is not exactly the word which can really explain our feelings when we say or mean “do you love me”?

As I move on with this question in mind, I fall into the deep memory lane of story one of my friend told me very apssionately. I may no tbe true exactly to his words but  I am trying to recall in the best possible ways. The girl he met may be in school, or in college or in job. What was the first thing that drew him towards her? Was it her beauty? Or was it the intimacy with her because we had the opportunity to be together, may be for study or being engaged in same project? I wonder.

He remembers his past. He liked one girl. And with the brain of an immature boy, he thinks he cannot define if she was beautiful or in real sense what really beauty means. But they liked each other’s company. they tried to meet as and when time permitted or at least looked for the opportunities to meet. She was always in mind and heart. The desire to perform better in group somehow seemed to be motivated by her. In hostel time she was always there in his book in his brain in his heart. Every plan of life seemed to surge with her: like he will have a great job, good house and she will be there with him for everything and so on… But I wonder did it ever come to his mind about how beautiful she was. Or how will he have a physical relationship with her. I realize now it never was. I remember when they were to leave the campus for real separation, the last evening at the gate of her hostel they were standing close but they had no words to talk to. They were looking in to each other’s eyes as if trying to search for something which perhaps their lips were not able to voice. Standing quite a long without speech finally seemed to break their patience and she asked “have not you fallen in love with me”? He fumbled. And in dilemma and confusion he blurted huskily: “no no! Nothing is of that sort”. And then again silence and then they had left….”

Today, still many years have gone by. I again repeat his question and try to define “did he/she love her/him? And if yes then what was love? He liked her. He weaved dreams of living with her and cried at night of his limitations and incapabilities to be with her may be was it their different social background, their tender age, the anxiety of making a career first and like that so many this and that. Once they were travelling in bus, he told, her head just swayed on his shoulder amidst the jolts of jerking. A sense of caretaking and a feeling of masculinity that his shoulder was there for her to support her, to comfort her and to protect her. In the process of collection his fingers just brushed with her palm. The feeling and sensation was today as alive as it had happened today.

Why I recall and mention these here is because I want to ask what that feeling was? Can I define the feeling or can I justify by superimposing the feeling to the word “LOVE”? I can say with confidence that at least it was not sex. If I don’t ask the question “do you love me”? to my parents then why do we ask the same to “someone else” say it our girlfriend/boyfriend, wife or husband? What is that factor that differentiates love from one to another, from person to person?

In substance, life moves on. In fact we flow every hour every day and years after years with more of our brain than heart. It is this preoccupation with brain based responsibilities that doesn’t curate our sleeping heart to ask what love is. Marriage, wife, husband girlfriend and boyfriends are more thought based than feeling based. In depth of these, the real essence is what I wished to do? Not what I wanted to do? The irony in life is that we end our whole life in doing what we wanted and not what we wished.

You are still there. Your life is still there. Your “He” or “she” is still there.  At the end of this article I will request you to repeat this question in your “heart”: “Do you love me”? I hope you will realize that this question never meant to be. You will realize that the biggest freedom for which one should struggle is the freedom from your brain. We are all slaves of our own system. We die working for it. Love springs from heart. It doesn’t do slavery. It does what It wishes. The world needs an overhauling where heart will overpower this brain……and imagine what will happen then?

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