Friday, December 15

How to Know When a Man is Lying to You

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I was married to a serial liar for twenty years. When he was invariably caught out telling yet another lie, he’d ask me how I knew he was lying. I answered, ‘Because your lips were moving!’ Those twenty years taught me a lot about the signs of lies in a man, and although I made a joke of it, it’s no laughing matter when you can’t trust your man. Here are just a few of the signs that he could be lying to you.

Lack of eye contact

Some people are basically shy, and will try to avoid eye contact if possible. However, if your man has certain times when he can’t look you in the eye, chances are he’s lying about something. Liars are so scared of being caught out, they try to minimise the chance by preventing scrutiny of their face as they talk to you.

Too much information

Another sign that your man is lying is if he offers too much unasked for information about a recent or upcoming event. Normally, when you’re discussing something like that, it starts off with the basics – when, where, who’s going to be there – and other stuff is filled in as you talk about it together. If he’s given you chapter and verse in the first five minutes, and he’s not usually so forthcoming, ask yourself why this should be. Okay, he may be hyper about it, but he could also be thinking he needs to justify something.

Too little information

The reverse scenario – he’s been away to something important, or something he’s looked forward to for ages, and you expect him to return full of his experiences. However, he seems very reluctant to discuss it. Is he just exhausted from the trip, or has he got something to hide? The best way to find out if the ‘too much or too little’ scenario is down to lying is to wait a few hours – or even a couple of days, if you have the patience – then ask a question and see if there are any discrepancies in the story.

Fidgeting more than usual

Liars are not relaxed while they are being creative with the truth, so look out for signs such as touching the face or the eyes, looking around, shifting from foot to foot, crossing arms and/ or legs. Okay, he may just have ants in his pants, but if he doesn’t normally fidget when your talking, ask yourself if he’s lying to you.

Voice changes

Is he talking more slowly or more quickly than usual? Is his voice louder or softer than his usual speaking tone? Has his voice suddenly gone up a pitch? If it has, and he’s well past puberty, perhaps he’s lying.

While all these behaviours could be signs that your man is lying to you, they are indications, not conclusive evidence. However, if you can’t trust your man, you need to ask yourself why this should be. Has he lied to you before, or given you other reasons not to trust his word? If the answer to either of or both of these questions is ‘yes,’ you may want to ask yourself if you want to remain in the relationship.

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