Marriage is an age-old structure of happy living. Marital life begins with great dreams. But today marriage is being shaken by many forces. The famous historian Stephanie Coontz says, “For better or worse, marriage has been displaced from its pivotal position in personal and social life.” Marriage is losing its place of honor in the society. The pursuit for selfish gratification is plaguing marital life. Lured by seductive promises of freedom and independence, most of the people believe that divorce will be the only solution that can lead them to happiness. They are motivated by wrong notions that lifelong vow of fidelity is unrealistic or oppressive.
Marital life is the basis of healthy human society. If it loses its validity and strength by selfish and narrow motives, it will be a death toll to the whole human society. Hence it has to be protected from the attack of selfish ideologies.
Here are ten dos and don’ts to make marriage ‘a life lived happily ever after’.
1) Love needs space and time to grow
In Tamil language we say, “Romance is only for 30 days and desire is for 60 days”. Marriage is an institution lived till death. It needs time and space to understand each other and move towards a common goal. Make attempts to be open to each other. Love notes can do wonders. It can surpass and withstand all trials.
2) Never carry your anger to bed.
Frictions and misunderstandings are common. You should expect them. Be aware of them and when they occur try to solve them patently. Do not drag your in-laws or others into problems and make them more serious. Sit together and resolve your problem and go to bed as a happy couple.
3) Romance never ends
Romance is the fertilizer of marital life. Love notes can do wonders in your marriage. Do not be bothered about the grammar of traditions. In all simplicity, just let your spouse know that you love him/her sincerely.
4) Give and take
Give and take policy is the vital nerve of marital life. Take initiative to express your love, including sex. It should be an outlet of real love. Love can forgive and forget things easily.
5) Give preference to sacrifice
People today view marital commitment as burdensome, since its demands and costs are great. Today convenience usually wins over the sacrifice involved in being committed to someone.
6) Accept the warts
Nobody is perfect. We know our weakness and imperfections more than anybody else. That should enable you to bear with others.
7) Adapt your spouse’s interests
This enables you to walk in the same track as your spouse. This means you occasionally do things you do not fancy. It may seem clumsy. But do it with a smile, not with a frown.
8) Listen well
Listen to your spouse, to the situations and to the need of the hour. When your spouse has a problem, listen with concern. Or you may have to feel sorry for it later. Your spouse may look for another pair of ears that can listen and be sympathetic.
9) Remember your commitment
The vow you took on the day of wedding is to be lived forever thereafter. Repeat it and renew your commitment often which can strengthen you and fill your marital life with happiness. Live it words and gestures.
10) Trust your spouse
It is the breach of trust that has shattered many a life and induced divorce. Trust builds up marital life. Trust your spouse and be open to him/her in everything. Trust is the main ingredient of a happy life.