Tuesday, December 12

Too Stupid to Live

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Have you ever encountered a living, breathing anomaly?  Someone so stupid, so inept, so clueless that you said to you self:  That person is too stupid to live.  How did he manage to survive past twenty-one years of age without accidently incinerating himself with a cigarette lighter or poking his own eye out when he missed the ice bucket?

Stupidity sometimes rears itself in unexpected places.  For instance although George Bush could not amount a successful attack on a bowl of pretzels, there are some who believe that George Bush master minded a conspiratorial attack on his own country on 9/11.   George Bush, mastermind?  Don’t you have to be stupid to believe that?  Too stupid to live perhaps?  One of the chief proponents  of this particular conspiracy theory has taken to saying you can knock down a building with a cigarette lighter.  He seems to think that he is making fun of people who don’t buy his George Bush is smarter than Albert Einstein theory.   Hmmmm….

There are some people who you just have to hope are stupid.  The alternative is far worse.  For instance the same congressmen and senators who forced home loans to be given to people, who could not afford to pay them, were still in charge when every economy in the world went bust.  Why doesn’t the news media blame these people on live television every night for the world wide recession?  Let’s hope that the news media is just stupid and ignorant.  The alternative is that they are deliberately hiding the truth from the American people. 

Then there is the case of the space aliens who supposedly come billions of miles across time and space to sodomize morons, do surgery on cattle and use wheat and corn to write with.    We could suppose that sodomy and cutting cattle is against their own cultural norms so they are only allowed to do it with alien species.  We could further speculate that the crayon and the Big Chief Tablet were technologies beyond a space faring race so they are reduces writing in the dirt with corn.  All of this makes space aliens sound too stupid to live let alone fly spaceships to earth.  They seem like morons from outer space.

The highest likelihood of things like crop circles, cattle mutilations and the probing of Billie Bob, is that Jeff Bob and Jim Bob got drunk and did all those things.  There are two kinds of people who don’t buy this explanation.  Rip-off artists who are trying to sell you their alien abduction book and people who are just too stupid to live.

Almost anyone who plays physical pranks on other human beings is too stupid to live.  Unfortunately it is others who wind up getting hurt.  Like the bride whose neck was snapped when a playful friend tried to push her into the swimming pool.  Yeah she’s paralyzed for life.  Hey you’re right.  That was hilarious.

That 1000 ways To Die show is full of people who are too stupid to live.

The Darwin Awards are given every year to people who are too stupid to live.

It is sometimes said that someone is too stupid to walk and chew gum at the same time or that he can not find his own behind with two hands, a step ladder, a dictionary and a flash light.  Such people are too stupid to live.

Those jackasses on Jackass are definitely too stupid to live.

I think I mentioned George Bush before.  He is an example of someone who was in such a hurry that he ate the Kool-aid.  Usually Jim Jones followers have time to mix their beverage of choice with tap water.  In the case of George Bush, he was in such a hurry to start an illegal, unnecessary war with Iraq that he ate the Kool-Aid.   There was no time to get the water!!!  There is a saying that someone is industrious yet stupid and therefore dangerous.  That’s George Bush all over.  It also perfectly describes those 9/11 Truther morons who think Bush attacked us as well.

Almost most every drunken, coked up movie or music star is too stupid to live.  Every one of them seems to think that shouting at someone to get some sex or other personal favors or screaming racial insults at a policeman is a real good idea.  Yeah.  You are definitely too stupid to live.

By the way, if you are good enough at throwing a ball or if you look exceptionally hot in a bikini and someone is willing to pay a million dollars to watch you engage in these activities, how about not immediately snorting that million up your nose or killing dogs with it?  When you are old ugly and need drugs just to get out of bed, then do all that crazy stuff.  No one will care if you do crazy when no one is looking at you.   Just pretend to be normal for a couple of years and spend the rest of your life, that part when no one is looking, in crazy town.  Or are you too stupid to do that?

It’s tempting to think all politicians are too stupid to live.  But I am at pains to point out…You voted for them.

Me?  I voted against the ones I thought were really stupid.


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