Monday, December 18

How to Cure a Hangover

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Hey come on admit it, a hangover is fun. I mean there is nothing better then sticking your head in the old American standard a heaving out your guts spewing out pieces of who knows what out of your mouth and even your nose.

And the feeling of the cold porcelain against your weathered check is so soothing to the touch, the coolness that seems to soothe like a blanket to a baby.

Who cares that someone might have made a deposit just minutes before, the toilet is your savior, if you could would carry it with you all day. You look at what’s floating around and you hope that’s the burger from the night before and not a chunk of lung sitting in there. The hangover that makes you an afraid of two things: either you’re afraid you’re going to die or you’re afraid that you’re not going to die. You got to love the look of your party face in the mirror and no matter how much you wash, shower and shave; it’s next to impossible to remove it. And you got to admit running to the toilet every 10 minutes is a blast because you trusted that fart. There are three certainty’s in life when you are hung-over, one: Never trust a fart and Two: Never Trust a fart and Three: someone else will always be in the washroom when you most need it. Which is all day for that matter.

Ah, the illustrious hangover, where you can hear a pin dropped from a mile away sounds like a cannon blast. A 5 watt light feels like someone just lit up a baseball diamond. And the great feeling you have when you lie down and the room is spinning counter clock wise then clockwise and then back again. Hey a hangover without the spins is like a day without sunshine. In fact a hangover is best when there is no sunshine.

And don’t you just love being hung-over , when your better half decides that you have to attend that boring family function or worse yet you have the in-laws are coming over to visit. You think to yourself that you would rather shave with a cheese grater and chew tinfoil at the same time, then put yourself through that misery. For me there a hangover is the greatest gift ever given to us humans. Don’t you just the you’re feeling that you just licked a bucket of wallpaper paste? The nausea lets not forget about that, I mean what can be better then a bout of heaving up your cookies all day, topped up with a headache that would kill an elephant, a giraffe even a whale. I think we should all be hung-over, everyday that way world may be safer place


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