Everyone dreams of finding their Mr or Ms Right but for every relationship, two people are involved and how many are actually trying to BECOME the Mr or Ms Right?
Expect, at the start of a relationship to give more of yourself than perhaps you will later because the more you give, the more your partner will give in return. It’s no use both of you waiting to see how much the other is willing to put into your union. As the relationship develops, the balance will get even but at the start, be ready to put effort into letting your partner know you would like to give this romance a good go.
So it might seem a little unfair at the beginning but especially if you are with someone who has had difficult relationship experiences in the past, they may be more hesitant now, to give so much to new relationships, expecting to get hurt again. Look on your relationship as a developing tree you are raising together and the fruits of this tree will appear in time to come after all the love and nurturing you put into it.
Ingredients for a Loving Union
To crave being loved unconditionally, a person must be willing to return that love and to be a person to their partner who is worthy of this kind of love. Love and lust aren’t the only ingredients that hold a relationship together. Lasting love can be hard work and needs serious commitment. Both partners need to be willing to work at the relationship to get the balance of giving and receiving right.
Because if one partner feels they’re doing all the giving, they will eventually grow frustrated, tired and disillusioned with this romance.
For love to last, you must accept your partner for who they are. Don’t try to change them. Changes have to come from within and the only one you can change, if it is needed, is yourself!
Learn to Love Yourself
You need to love yourself and be happy with who you are before finding that special someone who loves you. If you don’t feel worthy to be loved or you aren’t confident with the person you are, you might spend your life trying to fit into someone else’s mould as their ideal lover. This kind of love cannot be fulfilling for you because the relationship is for your partner and is one-sided. For a satisfying and lasting relationship, you need to be yourself and your partner should love all of you, warts and all!
Differences between Love and Lust/Infatuation
Know the difference between love and infatuation. You might feel a strong attraction to someone and you fancy them like crazy but this is not love. Infatuation comes from desire; lust and infatuation can last for a long time and some people can get fixated with the idea they’re ‘in love’ with someone, this leading to obsessive behaviours towards that person. Is there such a thing as love at first sight? You can feel attracted to someone very early in a relationship but to really get to know each other and for true feelings to develop in the context of a real bond of mutual interests, friendships and understanding, it takes time.
For a relationship to last, you need to have a lot in common and the most important things are: sharing the same values about commitment, family, trust and loyalty. If one partner, for instance, likes to date other people and the other values fidelity, romance will be a disappointment. If one partner is more committed than the other, their other half might start feeling stifled. It won’t however matter if you don’t always share the same interests and friendships or you’re unlike each other in many ways. As long as these core values are in place, the relationship stands a good chance of being a long-term one.
Finding Lasting Love
Real and lasting love is a commitment to support, cherish and respect your partner and all their flaws. Some flaws may not be acceptable (such as alcoholism, gambling addiction, violent behaviour etc) and these may be good reasons to call a halt to a relationship. But most people’s flaws are no worse than your own and as time goes by, you may realize, that longing for a soul-mate or ideal lover is not as much fun as loving a real human being, warts and all!