I am truly in my grad assistant mode when I am standing in front of the students, in the classroom, and the one giving the lecture. Surprisingly, standing before an audience to teach or give a presentation is much more satisfying than performing. Such a shame for a musician to admit, but what can I say, but that I love teaching!
Tomorrow, I get to do that again. Although, I am thankful that Dr. Doukhan is not getting sick lately, I would say I kinda miss stressing out over a chapter in music history and presenting it in class.
I have dreamed of becoming a teacher ever since I could remember. I probably owe that inclination to my grandfather who babysat me while he was still strong, and while I was too young to go to school yet old enough to be left behind at someone else’s house.
Tatay, as we all grandkids fondly call him, is one of the most interesting characters in all of the “ancient” Adaps. Well, I am saying that with much bias because, as far as I know, while there are probably a hundred other Adaps, Tatay is the one I got really well acquainted with.
Until now, I could vividly capture it in my head the many mornings I would see him seated on a chair, by the door, reading his Bible. The long morning hours would stretch, and I have probably played all the variations of hopscotch, playhouse, and other games my creative mind invented by the yard. While he sat there. With the Bible in one hand, and a vintage magnifying glass in the other.
Many times, I would hear him reading aloud from the Revelation. He might have thought I was just that little girl playing hopscotch but I was actually listening to him say the verses aloud. Then again, he might be reading aloud so I that I would hear it…I don’t know. I even remember wanting to ask him why the dragon got mad with the woman. But Ia never got around to asking it because I would forget it by the time he finished his daily Bible reading.
The afternoon would be my favorite time of day because that meant he would tell me Bible stories. And so the old man takes me through desserts, mountains, kings, prophets, and other wonderful adventures in the Bible. But Joseph would probably be the most requested story. Sometimes, these stories are meant for me to sleep. But the way he weaves the story would just make me stay awake and push him for more until he would give up and say–“If you don’t want to sleep, then I will.”
But Tatay was so smart that finally he was able to tell a story and make me sleep right after. One time, he told me about Moses and the Israelites crossing the Red Sea. While the story itself was exciting, he would painstakingly go through every single detail that it would put me to sleep. Trying to resist it, I would say, “Can we just fast forward to where all of them have crossed the Red Sea already? What happened next?” And he would say, “Don’t you want to wait until all the cows have crossed already? Now there are 12 cows waiting for their turn to cross. One cow has three black spots…” And then he loses me at that. It was just the perfect sleeping pill.
Eventually, I went to school and fell in love with my grade one teacher. I wanted to be just like her and copied her hairstyle and everything else I could copy. Although there were several teachers that discouraged my desire, those experiences were so trivial that I only recall challenging myself with words like–“When I become a teacher, I will not be like him/her.”
However, even though there is a desire, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I got it made. In fact, my very first real teaching job was such a big failure that everybody in the class got an F except one, and I get reprimanded by many teachers in the department, and was accused of liking the the only one guy who got the A. Puh-lease!!!
Yep. It was that messed up.
But the dream doesn’t wane. I am more inclined than ever. And tomorrow, I will stand again and face them.