Rantings of the Cynical Spinster

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Here’s the deal with this “like me, like me not” dilemma. It’s a nice feeling to like someone. But to like someone and let that feeling control you—your thoughts, your actions, and everything else in your life—is purely insanity!Especially if this person doesn’t know your feelings, and even if he knows it, won’t give it back. It has its cheap thrills—which of course doesn’t last a lifetime. I mean isn’t it so much better to just be—just live life without the complications of liking someone and having to wonder whether this person spends as much time thinking of me the same way I am thinking about him.

I mean I would rather think of other important thoughts that would help the world and the humankind (don’t worry I’m not running for Miss Earth J ), rather than to worry about whether he would like it if I do this or that. I’d rather worry on how I could speed up my Chopin etude or master that set of chords in my Beethoven sonata. I’d rather worry about the next program to device for the AY of the Ambassadors, or the gimmicks I can cook up during the Music Majors’ Banquet. I would rather worry about when to give make-up lessons to my very “responsible” students (pun intended!)—than to worry about the vague and elusive thoughts about love and liking, and that be returned to you, because with this, I can’t seem to think of any solutions. I just don’t know how to work my way around. Ahh, this requires so much patience, ultrapersonal skills and super powers (By the way, in this time of Darnas, Ethereas, and Pandays, who wouldn’t want to have super powers?)

Well, so look, I have to admit I indulge once in a while in thinking about being liked. Or at least having those persons like me after several meditative years or so. Haha! Sort of revenge..like sort of turning things around. Sweet, sweet thoughts. Well, in reality, they are just thoughts. Match it up with cheesy love songs, and I’ll be moping in no time. (Anyway, do I sound like I’m moping already?)

When I think of all those times I go ‘mad’ because I like someone—I couldn’t help but smile at how brave I was for plunging and just taking it all in—heart and soul. With no reservation and no thought for possible pain. Much less watching out for that DANGER AHEAD sign. No. I lived and loved. And vice versa.

But that was centuries ago. Those people I have raved about have their own love lives to fill. And although they had been a part of my love life, I had not been in theirs…

As the hands of the clock turn, the roles seem to shift. Instead of playing the part of lover or the one being loved, I now play the part of Cupid…or one of his assistants, rather. Yes…I am now actively involved in making things cheesier, mushier, and gushier than it already is.

Well, there are things like love concerts which conduce a quite impressive atmosphere of romance and sentimentality. As performer, I sing all those love songs like as if each one is my own personal theme song—tipong feel na feel ko dapat. Well, gone are those days when I could relate to each line. So if you ever see me in a love concert one of these days, applaud my stage presence—because after all, it’s just an act.

Thus, I won’t forget to mention the gargantuan requests for delivering these flowers, chocolates, love letters, regards-rebound, and stuff. Everyone seems to be in with latest ‘love craze’! I can’t help but picture this: Think of love as a storm…everyone seems to enjoy the rain, the wind, the hail…some are drenched down to their toes, some are donning their raincoats, while I am at some big building’s shade, watching all the commotion…wanting to get wet, wanting to get blown by the wind…
So yeah, romantic love, as complicated as it is, inasmuch or less I’d want to involve it in my life right now…there’s really nothing I can do but let it surprise me in a way that I would eat what I just wrote!


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