What is an Emotional Affair

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When we think of love and relationships we often talk about how someone makes us feel. They make us feel loved or desired or sexy, wanted, interesting, smart, funny. All can be used as an emotional description. When in a relationship sometimes people can grow distant from one another. Conversation may slack off, intimacy is gone, the desire and love that was once so prevalent now seems to be smoldering in a cold furnace of the heart. Many times we may attempt to speak to our spouse or mate and attempt to rekindle the feelings that were once apparent to us and all we meet. But if both parties do not commit to the relationship and working on it the spouse feeling ignored may find themselves in a sticky situation.
We often make the mistake of crying on someone else’s shoulder when we face adversity in our relationships. Talking to another is not always a bad thing, especially when it is someone who loves both our partner and us, and would only desire the best outcome for our relationship. But many times we reach out to someone who isn’t in our circle, someone at work maybe someone we met in another setting. They often seem to be very kind and caring and we look at them as an outside opinion into what we could do to rectify our love lives.
However, when we find ourselves divulging everything to this person we can quickly be in trouble. Especially if they listen to us and agree with our side. We overlook the fact that the only evidence they have to base an opinion on is what we are telling them. Soon we begin to tell them more and call them more, finding them to be our confidantes we wish our mates would be again. But what we are really doing is developing a steady base for an emotional affair. The thought would never cross our minds to have sex with them, all we are doing it talking to them. After all they understand why we feel so bad and so lonely. They enjoy our company and make us feel heard. All the things we feel we are missing at home. Soon this person has replaced the one we once had the same feelings for. Our mates may have even turned the corner and be back to their old selves, or feeling abandoned themselves, yet we cannot let go of our confidante.
When we find ourselves wondering what the other person would say or think about something we have crossed the line into an emotional attachment that we should never have forged. But there is hope. We can walk away with some decisions being made. We have to decide that we cannot be that open with someone else outside our marriage itself. Cutting the ties is an absolute must, calling, emailing or any other form of contact will simply keep that link to them open and therefore dangerous. Confide in our mate how we were feeling and what we were going through. Be honest about why we felt the need to seek that emotional attachment outside of the marriage. Seek counseling if necessary. But above all make sure all avenues of healing are sought before choosing to walk away from your marriage. Life isn’t always as golden as it looks on the other side.


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