Recovering From an Affair

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After an affair has been discovered or revealed we are often left holding a pile of questions with very few answers. The betrayed spouse is wondering where to go from here, how to pick up the pieces and move on, even to trust again. But when the decision is mutually made to retain the marriage, the beginnings of healing spring forth.
The spouse who cheated must be aware that there are going to be many days of being reminded of their infidelity. Be prepared for anger, sadness, grief and embarrassment. The first thing to be discussed is the reasons behind it. Why did the cheater make the decision to cheat? What led to their desire for something outside of the marriage vows? Until that core reason is discovered and worked on healing can never take place.
Be prepared to be questioned about your whereabouts, who you are talking to, and why you need to be away for extended periods of time. Understand that just as when you were first dating and trust had to be built it is much the same now. Trust has to be earned back, it won’t just fall back into line with an apology and a promise to do better.
The spouse who was cheated on must also realize that healing can only continue when a line is drawn into how long is a reasonable time to rehash the past. It cannot continually be used for the rest of your marital life as a sticking point or a way to punish the other. You have a right to be angry and hurt. However hanging on to this past can not bring healing only more pain.
Marital counseling should be sought along with individual counseling to work on the issues both parties will have. Take things one day at a time and be completely open about your past. Many times we base our marriages on what we saw our parents do, but if they came from a broken or wrecked marriage we should not desire to follow their patterns.
Date nights should begin and actually never stop. Even if once a month every couple needs that chance to reconnect with one another as a couple. Many times in our day to day life as workers and maybe parents we lose our connections to each other as a pair. That is an important part of being and maintaining a relationship. As a woman it is often hard to lose sight of our femininity and we fall into a pattern of being comfortable. This is okay as long as you also take time to still be a woman. As men need to remind her of how beautiful she is , we often forget.
With time, talking and patience a marriage can be restored to as strong if not stronger then what it was before infidelity. But it requires the attention and work from both parties to get there.


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