I left after that horrible night at the church and we stayed in a hotel for the night and then went to a friends house for the next few days. During that time I have cried, been angry, fought with him on the phone and fought with God. I love you Lord, I need to hear your voice…”do you trust me?” He says. Just one month earlier when I left the first time that was the continual voice of the Lord to me…”do you trust me?” I went through mornings of saying, “NO, why should I… you left me 16 years with a man who has torn down every self confidence and positive thought I can muster, why would I trust You?” He finally softly said, “Just say you do, even if you don’t.” So…I am answering yes every time I hear Him ask. I know the Lord is building my trust back. Unfortunately, I cannot hear anything else at this point. It has been 4 weeks since I left.
He is such a blessing to serve. Thank you Lord for blessing me. So when I stayed at a friends house I should say, a friend let me and my kids live in her mother’s house for over a month. It was fully furnished and had everything I could possibly need. The whole time I was able to sleep very peacefully and knew that the house was God’s provision for us. I feel very blessed that God has used people that I would never expect to bless me. That being said, in the midst of me staying there, I knew I had a timeline of one month to get my stuff together. I knocked on every door I could find and settled in on the help from a very wealthy friend who has several rent houses. I kept thinking that was God’s plan, but I have been fretting all along. Worrying about the amount the rent would cost, how I could afford it, why Section 8 or Hud housing is so hard to get into, and what in the world I was going to do. The friend was such a blessing trying to fix it for me, although the houses they wanted me to move to weren’t quite ready. My deadline to be out of the mother’s house was last Friday, and still nothing was open for me. I hesitantly asked if they could extend the deadline till this Friday..and they were very accomidating. After so many weeks of worrying and praying in FAITH? I know faith and worry are opposite, but the Lord caused my husband to find an affordable apartment!!! Yeah, I can go back to my home, which I love on 4.5 acres. I can take my middle of the night walks up my hill through my pasture with only the cows and God to hear my heart. I am so excited. I honestly had figured that he would stay put as long as possible, but the Lord gave me a scripture yesterday. It was 1 Kings 12:24 ‘This is what the LORD says: Do not go up to fight against your brothers, the Israelites. Go home, every one of you, for this is my doing.’ ” So they obeyed the word of the LORD and went home again, as the LORD had ordered.” Wow…when I recieved that word yesterday morning I thought I was going home to Ron and I was a bit hesitant to declare it a word from the Lord. Now that he is not in my home, so I don’t have to fight against him, I am ecstatic! Before we left, I felt like the Lord was causing us to get our house ready to sell, so I am gonna go home, clean out the anger, and then clean up the house. I’ll let God lead from now on… I hate that I know the truth and choose to walk in FEAR anyway. Please deliver me, Lord. You know my heart is to trust you.
Please bless whoever finds this to read. Bless their family, their children, and their mind. Give them peace today and bless them for hurting over my situation.
I praise you for your continual masters touch on my life. I praise you for working all things together for the good of those that love you and are called to your purpose. I need you, Lord and I can’t do this without you. Thank you for directing my steps and letting me rest in the peace of knowing that you are more than enough.
I love you.
In Jesus Name.