When Dating Becomes a Headache, A Heartache

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So many men and women to date and so little time.  You haven’t found your match yet, right?  So you date another and another and still no satisfaction.  How do you get to a place where you remove those rising feelings of resentment, anger and/or frustration?

Slow Down.

No one likes to hear this, but so right are these words.  When you continue dating one person after the other allowing very little if any time for yourself between dates, you are not allowing yourself to recoup from the last five or so miserable dates with the others.  So stop.  Start scheduling your dates further apart.  Even better, try focusing on one at a time for at least a month or two before dating someone else.  This way you can at least find out if they have a middle name, a faith, a favorite past-time, and a good relationship with their family.

Re-evaluate What You Want.

Chances are your needs may have changed since you posted your profile up on one of those dating sites.  Take a moment to re-list what you are willing to settle for when dating and what you absolutely won’t tolerate.  You have enough experience under your belt now, so you can really focus on the things that are significant to you.  Then update your profile and your answer when someone asks, “So what do you want in a man/woman?” 

Review Your Dating Skills.

In order for something “to be meant to be” everything must line up spiritually, mentally and physically in such a way that you feel comfortable no matter what obstacle stands in your way.  Desperate daters often take every little connection “as meant to be,” instead of focusing on what matters.  Your thoughts toward your dates, about your future, and what you want out of life may need to be reconsidered.  Do you think about everything else while listening to your date talk?  Do you find yourself being critical of your date while they are praising you?  Do you find yourself easily irritated when things don’t go your way on the date?  If you are easily angered, confused or irritated it will affect the way you interact with your dates.  Remember most people are looking for love on a date not a boss, an entertainer, a mother, a father figure, or a sibling.  Be sure your dating skills are not characteristic of these types of people.

Focus on Other Needs Outside of Dating

While you are taking a needed break from dating, begin to busy yourself with other things besides thinking about meeting and/or talking on the phone with the opposite sex.  Is there a closet that needs to be organized, a relative that needs help, divorce paperwork that was never processed, a church visit that never happened, or numerous other things you promised yourself you would tend to but never did?  If so, wouldn’t it be wise to take care of those things first?

Handling the Temptations During Your Break from Dating

When you started dating these people you didn’t connect with, you most likely gave them your phone number and made promises to date again.  Well, it’s time to distance yourself, so that you can make time for yourself–don’t settle because you are feeling lonely, jealous of someone else’s successful relationship or confused. 

When you find a pattern in your dating that you know is providing you no satisfying or long-lasting results, you will find yourself acting negative toward your unsuspecting dates.  The sudden emotional outburst over a date’s minor statement or irritating behavior might occur.  The flippant remark about someone’s interest will fall from your lips.  A bad one night stand will permeate in your brain leaving you feeling ashamed.  A drunken incident may result in many guilt trips.  These are all signs to stop riding on this roller coaster ride of dating until you have a better outlook on your needs and what you are able to give to someone else!

In closing, before you do something you will regret for a long time, stop dating for as long as you can stand it!  It has been said that love comes when you stop looking for it.  Desperate people look for love, create a false front to keep love, and worse will make frivolous decisions they can’t undo for love.  Don’t be one of them.


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