Tim Allen was born in Denver, Colorado in 1953. he is famous for his roles in Home Improvement, and the Toy Story series.
“Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.”
“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.”
“Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.”
“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.”
“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.”
“While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.”
“Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words “large” or “size” with “rear end.” Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.”