Dog Ownership: Top 10 Reasons Why You Should!
Owning or possessing the responsibility of a dog is a tremendous undertaking and not one to take if you lack in wit, sensibility and a profound sense of humor. Like children, of our species, they have a learning curve as they embrace this world with all the senses and moral obligation that is born unto them. They are the consummate “rubbers of ego” as they will ignore all your imperfections and love you, and honor you regardless of you indiscretions. They are there to please you, obey you, and reward you for all, or little, attention you put forth. For those in a quandary as to the actual and real benefits of owning a dog I will take the liberty of expressing my own TOP 10 reasons that will surely tip the level for you:
10.) The proper drainage of your lawn will increase tenfold; and should you ever be confronted with ornery Hessians, the moat awaits them.
9.) You’ll finally meet the neighbors! They’ll be thrilled to have finally found you.
8.) They’ll appreciatively bring you your slippers or shoes every morning and night; granted, they may be in 10,000 pieces strewn from one room to the next, but it’s the thought that counts.
7.) They’ll creatively scrimshaw door casings and newel posts in such fashion that all your houseguests will be in awe of the decorative detail of your domicile; and you will bask in their envy.
6.) Your dog, in concert with the neighbors’ dog, will engage in gratuitous lovemaking behaviors which will not only inspire you and your spouse but will also hasten certain types of conversations that you are obliged to have with your children. These are wisdoms, declarations of yours that you would have procrastinated until they (your children) reached the age of 11 or 12; but the wisdom of the dog is greater and you must therefore embark on this instruction at ages 6-8.
5.) Helpful as they are timely, your pup will sense the quandary that encircles your head each evening: what to make for dinner. Unleash your dog and he/she will painstakingly scan a 2-mile radius of your home until he/she is able to secure some seasoned road-kill to alleviate your uncertainty. He/she will innately comprehend that this meat will have to feed a large number of humans and will therefore take it upon himself/herself to “stretch” the game to satisfying proportions.
4.) The ever-so-friendly-greeting at the crotch: As guests arrive for your party your dog will do the noble task of sensory inspection of each of their crotches as they enter your home. All your guests will be grateful as they get the “paws-up” or “paws-down” rating; the latter rating will permit your guest to excuse themselves to your facilities whereby they may make necessary corrections and then embrace the festivities with confidence.
3.) As a dog owner you will never have to: sweep the dining room or kitchen floor; wash dishes or flatware; or compost any of your scraps or leftovers. Oddly enough, your dog will actually believe that you are rewarding him/her!
2.) You never have scoop the litter box. Depending on your domestic cat population in the household (schedule forthcoming) you make this private space available to your dog. They’ll be thrilled with the “coated-kitty-truffles” and you will have saved yourself a nasty task. Schedule as follows: 1-3 cats, make available every 2nd day; 4-6 cats, make available once a day; 6+ cats, don’t barricade the area where the boxes are kept and reduce the volume of dry dog food by 70% as you don’t want your pup to be obese.
1.) The dog will take the blame. It may be as simple as missing homework, utensils, tools, TupperWare, cats; and it may be more complex as you squirm on the couch with your partner aside you and you casually call the dog over so you can slip a passage into the quiet evening air without recourse. It is important to casually, almost empathetically, scold the dog so that all are aware of the dog’s guilt—without question. Your dog lacks human language skills and cannot repent; but your dog will appreciate being chosen to “take the fall”. A morsel of cheese given moments later will reinforce your appreciation for the dog’s loyalty and the dog will often anticipate such duties in the future without reminders necessitated.
The sound and valid reasons for being the proud owner of a dog are absolutely endless. The relationships that will be built between the dog and your family will last a lifetime. The memories of all the dog’s brightest moments will be forever imprinted in your family photo album and your checkbook. There are clearly far more positive reasons to acquire the beast than there are reasons to permit your uneventful life to slide by in recess and ambiguity. Woof.