Cat Ownership: Top 10 Reasons To Have One Of These Things

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Cat Ownership: Top 10 Reasons To Have One Of These Things

As with any pet there are some cognizant decisions that must preclude the acquisition of the responsibility of another life form.  Have a cocktail, or several, and be at ease with the irresponsible gesture of adding a cat to your household.  Should you move forward and actually bring one of these creatures into your fold, be assured that the following list will not be exhausted as more behaviors and traits will arise over time.  In the forefront of your mind you should understand that cats are never sold (unless they’re of some exotic breed and upon their demise you intend to use them as part of your eccentric home décor); but are given away—always free.  Is anything “free” in your life that has a value greater than zero?  You should not only refer to this list prior to making such a commitment, but you should retain this list to determine if this pet is still alive; as it is often difficult to determine with cats—as you will discover.

10.)  You enjoy the “up-close-and-personal” view of a cat’s anus to welcome you into the new day.

9.)  You don’t have a dog and you find that scooping litter is somehow enjoyable for you.

 8.)  You have a vermin-infested home and you’re too cheap to spend the 49 cents for a handy little trap; and you solemnly believe that the cat will be self-sustaining on wild diet.

 7.)  You like the cat-hair-tumbleweeds blowing about your home as it reminds you of all the Westerns you’re akin to watch.  Or, you’re a crafter and use this harvest of loose hair to creatively construct a more desirable pet; and one that is inanimate and will give you far more attention than your live one.

 6.)  You also possess a five-year-old boy (not usually considered a pet) and you’re tired of investing your hard-earned dollars on toy trucks, cars, bulldozers which your son finds a way to destroy within a matter of days.  You figure that a cat, which is always free, won’t get broken as often because it has the option of self-mobility; and will therefore last longer.  If not, the replacement is free as well.

 5.)  You believe that a long, hard-packed hair-ball that is formed in the precise internal diameter of your cat’s esophagus and large intestine is rather an art form.  Or you believe that, once dried, you can sew this hairball onto the collar of your child’s winter jacket for additional warmth and style.

 4.)  You have extremely low self-esteem and you want to keep reinforcing this malaise so you invest bountiful time and energy into a living creature whose full-time occupation will be to ignore you.  You will then find this so fertile to your depression that you’ll go out and get several more cats, because they’re always free, and multiply your dark need.

 3.)  You own a struggling restaurant and your meat supplier has you in collection for unpaid bills.  Besides, they’re free.

 2.)  You were at odds as to how to spice-up or spruce-up your new over-stuffed living room set or needle-pointed Queen Anne’s chair.  A cat will always know what to do about this indecision; and will usually do this at night so your morning will be full of glee and appreciation.

1.) You have been duped and deceived by various forms of media (movies, calendars, posters, etc.) that a kitten—therefore a cat—is always playful, charming, interesting and exploratory.  There is a troubling metamorphosis that occurs when a kitten evolves into a cat.  The kitten will desire your company and will dutifully entertain you for your attention.  Once the metamorphosis is complete, your only recourse in finding any means of worth in this animal is to get it high: whether you use over-the-counter Catnip or find something more substantial and interesting on the street corner.

I hope that this essay has served you well.


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