Can you seriously consider friendship while you’re hauling out your stuff from a house that you once shared with that person, or when you’re signing divorce papers while the kids are chattering in the living room? Ending a relationship is a big decision, and for most people, getting to that point wherein they can finally let go is something that cost them a lot.
For one, you must consider your feelings towards your partner, and deep inside, you still do not wish to hurt them by giving up on the relationship. You can understand the feeling of helplessness in the other person, even if you’re the one ending a relationship. Breaking up is as difficult on the partner ending the journey as it is on the partner being broken up with. But what you must remember is that caring about someone and staying in a relationship with that person are not the same. You may have a lot of things in common, but that alone won’t make a relationship last. Most people would never hurt others, but when it boils down to emotional stability, people are forced to choose. “Do I have to stay and give up my happiness and peace of mind, or do I accept that it’s not working out and let go while I can.”
When ending a relationship, guilt plays a big part in all the decisions. In fact, guilt has always been that one factor that is used to keep relationships from falling apart. Sooner or later the “you owe it to me to stay” takes its toll on a person’s emotional capacity to give more of himself than he normally can. Sometimes, the small, medium and big transgressions that have accumulated over time are just too many and varied to continue feeling the peace of mind that is needed in a successful relationship.
Ending a relationship and promising to keep in touch seems like two different things, but there really is something magical about finding peace within the safe confines of a platonic relationship. After all, being friends again means you did not waste the years you spent together and you can at least build something from the ashes. Not talking to your ex, or even going out of your way to never befriend your ex again means feeding the hurt and letting the emotional wounds fester. Then comes acceptance that this is the situation now, that you cannot return to the past and that you can only move forward. Soon, you will be free of ill feelings and from guilt.
Wishing the same peace of mind for your ex is a sure sign that you can be friends in the future. Life is too short to really wallow in self pity, self doubt and loathing. Bitterness has its way of turning people into robots who feel noting. Why be bitter when you can be happy being where you are now and wishing only good things for the person you once loved?