August (late): Single teachers return from Greece. Married teachers finish redecorating front room.
September: Academic Year begins. First signs of sore throats. Heads of Departments and above appear with new cars.
October: First staff discussions about doing something really different for Christmas this year.
November: Decision taken to ‘stick to what we did last Christmas’ – hoop wrapped in metallic paper, rolled cardboard Three Wise Men, ‘Lord of the Dance’ and ‘Figgy Pudding’.
December: Christmas Parties/Festivals/Concerts/Carol Services. Staff exhausted and full of ill will to all men and women. Letters arrive from bank revealing overdrawn accounts.
January: Disappointingly small snowfall. Staff still able to get to work. Equipment ordered last July arrives. Much searching of Jobs Abroad column in education journals.
February: Single teachers leave for Half Term ski holiday in the alps. Married teachers buy wallpaper stripper and lining paper.
March: March drop – many Fifth Years anticipate Statutory School Leaving Age. Many teachers profoundly grateful.
April: Easter leavers officially leave. Many Educational Psychologists, Heads and administrators profoundly grateful.
May: New football posts arrive. Whitsun leavers depart. Staff attendance improves.
June: Wimbledon fortnight. Staff absences rise.
July: Academic Year ends. Six weeks holiday begins. Teachers decide to stick it for another year.
Please note that this is only for humoristic purposes.