10 Health Benefits of a Zombie Uprising

Heart health: If you’re alive during a zombie apocalypse, be prepared to do a lot of running. Running is good for the heart, thus a zombie apocalypse is good for the heart. Of course if you don’t run, or can’t run fast enough, then the zombies will eat you. And that’s not good for your heart.

Hand-eye coordination: How does a zombie invasion help with this? Because you’re probably going to be doing a lot of shooting, at least if you’re not one of those wimps who is afraid of guns. If you are one such wimp, be prepared to be zombie food, because the rest of us aren’t going to save you. But if you are willing to pull the old trigger, you’re probably going to be doing so a lot. And that means your hand-eye coordination will improve. Or you’ll soon be meat on the street.

Mental capacity: Yes, you’ll become smarter during a zombie outbreak. How is this? Well, if you survive long enough, eventually all the electricity is going to be gone. No more computers. No more televisions. Even radios will be dead. That means you’ll have to have something to fill up your time between scrounging for food and avoiding the walking dead. What will that something be? How about books?There’ll be plenty of empty homes with books available, and of course there’ll be the local library. Card and board games are going to get boring eventually, and besides, you might not have anyone with whom to play.

Cancer: Because you won’t be around long enough to worry about it.

Immune system: Actually, this one is more long term. There would likely be lots of diseases spread during and after a zombie uprising. Whomever the zombies didn’t get, a lot of them would likely buy the farm due to the constant outbreak of various virus attacks and other diseases, and the lack of medical attention. But those who survived all that? Just think how strong their immune systems will be!

Losing weight: Survivors will be light on their feet. For one thing, they won’t have the easiest of food supplies to get. For another thing, those of us who are chunky will be the first to go down between chomping teeth. For a third thing, survivors will be doing lots of running, thus burning calories and losing weight. It’s all good.

Body odors: No, body odors won’t actually be going away. In fact, they’ll probably get worse, a lot worse. But the stench of the undead, of all the dead and diseased bodies, and of the general decay of civilization, will be so overpowering that we’ll no longer worry about body odor. Plus there’ll be lots of free Right Guard in all the empty houses.

Alertness levels: Who needs coffee? Because you will be alert. Or you’ll be food.

Smoking: Because soon there won’t be any tobacco. Then what are you going to do?

Allergies: Are you really going to be worried about allergies while some thingwithout eyes is trying to chew off your face? Probably not, but if so, see your doctor. Oh, wait, your doctor is the thing without eyes trying to chew off your face. Well, in that case, you’re screwed. Or you can take advantage of all the allergy and garlic pills laying around in pharmacies and hospitals. But get them quick! They’ll eventually not be any good.

More zombie links

50 Ways to prepare for a zombie uprising

5 books zombie fans must read

10 horror short stories online for free

About Author

Leave A Reply