Why Are People Afraid to Love?

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Being afraid to love can originate from a variety of conflicting emotions: fear, mistrust, apprehension. Many people-be they men or women- have come from bad, broken and even emotionally, physically and sexually abusive relationships. In that case, fear to love is a protective reaction and barrier to what can be perceived, mostly mistakenly, as a final assault against their fragile abnd damaged psyche. The mind can be very defensive, if it perceives a serious hostile threat to it and the body it controls. Therefore, somebody who has been abused enough-with already damaged over time fragments to its psyche-can recoil very defensively over the idea of love. The evolved and lesser evolved sections of the brain can fuel a very irrational curve that blocks out feelings of love.

Anybody who has been through rough relationships in the past is always going to be very queasy and unsettled over the concept of love. Usually it takes an emotional ‘re-building’ of sorts to be able to trust the feeling of love again-minus doubt, mistrust, and the whole gamut of negative emotions, with all of the connotations that it entails. Some people may even need therapy and counselling to be able to love again, especially if they have been abused, one way or another. Fortunately, most people rebound from the effects of bad relationships and do love again. But whether you’ve been through a rough, possibly abusive relationship or not, it’s not always easy to love. There is also the fear of rejection.

Low self-esteem and worth can make somebody afraid to love as well. Sometimes people are very hard on themselves and emotionally “beat” themselves up with negative self-talk and worth. Perhaps they’ve gone through a long series of rejections, ‘shoot-downs’, and all of the negative connotations that go with it. Thus, loving somebody, can be very hard. Even if the person is theirs, the negative, self-defeating mental ‘loop’ playing all of the weary, sad and negative mental tracks can make it so hard to love them. If the person is not theirs, or they are just starting to date, can be a hundred times worse. As even fear of the unexpected, the unknown can make it that much harder to love, and cause the missing of signals.

Being afraid to love is definitely part of our psyche. The secret is to try and overcome it as quickly as possible, through positive mental reinforcement and confidence-building measures. Amazingly, for how strong the human mind can be, it is equally as vulnerable-and demands protection. This sometimes entails blocking and/or choking off of positive emotions of love with huge, insurmountable barriers of the opposite: anger, hatred and denial

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