Toronto Maple Leafs Jokes

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The Toronto Maple Leafs have long been the butt of their fans and foes jokes since they last won the Stanley Cup in 1967. A lot of jokes about the team are generic and you can insert any other of your favourite sports teams into the joke and make it work. The thing is, these jokes orginated with the Leafs and were made to fit all those other hapless teams in professional sports.

Here are some of the finest:

What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?

They both look good until they hit the ice!

What happens when the Leafs win the Stanley Cup?

The X-Box gets turned off.

A child stands in court before a judge. His parents are divorcing and the judge is asking him which parent he would like to live with. “Would you like to live with your mother?” the judge asks. “No! she beats me every night i dont want to live with her!”. So the judge says “Ok, you can go live with your dad then.” the child replies “No! he beats me every night as well! i dont want to live with him!” and the judge replies “Well if both your parents beat you then who do you want to live with?”.

The boy replies “The Toronto Maple Leafs.” The judge is puzzled. “why would you want to live with them?” he asks. The boy replies “Because they dont beat anyone!”

Why doesn’t Hamilton have an NHL team?
Because then Toronto would want one too.

Little David was in Grade 5 when his teacher asked all the kids what their fathers did for a living. The typical answers came up: doctor, fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet so the teacher called on him to answer. “My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is reallt good, he”ll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.” The teacher was so shaken by this that she quickly gave the kids colouring to do while taking David outside with her. “Is that really true about your father?” She asked. “No,” David replid, “He plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs but I was too embarassed to say that in front of the other kids.”

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Leaf fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Leaf fans too. Not really knowing what a Leaf fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. One girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Leaf fan.”

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

“Why I’m proud to be a Montreal Canadien fan,” boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she is a Canadien fan.

“Well, My Dad and Mom are Canadien fans, and I’m a Canadien fan too.”

The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says the girl, “I’d be a Leaf fan

Q: What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Blue Jays and Raptors all have in common?

A: None of them know how to play hockey

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