I am a Christian — a follower of Jesus Christ — who is also a divorcee. When my more-than 25-year marriage collapsed, I felt my life was over. I had prayed for my spouse for a very long time, and I fully expected God to not just “heal” my marriage, but to give me a brand new marriage with the same spouse. When that did not happen, I wondered where God was, did He even care that I had been betrayed, abandoned, and left to face the unknown totally alone?
To be as committed as I was to the marriage, to my spouse, and to my God, and then to be unceremoniously betrayed was devastating. It filled me with a sense of worthlessness and sent me spiraling into a major depression. Feeling I could not trust people or God, I hid midst my four walls for far too long. When friends would say, “You can do whatever you want now, without being accountable to any other human,” I always felt like saying, I don’t want to do anything. I just want to be left alone and not be hurt again!
There have been many nights I had to deliberately quote Scripture out loud because my mind would otherwise go back to Why did You allow this, God? I felt very much like Job who lost everything because I did lose everything that my life had been about for most of my adult life. Then I heard the Whispers of The Holy Spirit telling me God didn’t bring me this far to let go of me now.
In the dark of the night, The Spirit brought to my remembrance
Joel 2:25 (NIV) I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.
Psalm 68:5 (NIV) A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
And then God reassured me that He had not been blind to what was done to me.
Malachai 2:14-15 (Message Version) You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple.
Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife.
God, not you, made marriage.
His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage.
The more I cried out to Father God, the more He whispered to my spirit that for now it was acceptable to stay in my self-made cocoon. But soon, He seemed to say, it would be time to sprout the wings He would give me and fly away freely. Cocoons are like coffins. They kill us spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. He made us to need Him and to need interaction with other human beings. Cocoons are for a specifically short time, then it’s time to bust out of them!
What if the butterfly refused to leave the cocoon?
The butterfly would never become the beautiful creature that flits around in front of us, showing off her beauty! She would die in that coffin! I would have to do as Oswald Chambers wrote: Do the next thing.
God has not forgotten me just because I am no longer married! God said He would give me the desires of my heart if I would put Him first.So today I trust God to give me beautiful strong wings to fly in beautiful freedom!
(c) 2007-2009 April Lorier