Knowing The Difference Between When to Give In And When to Fight

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When one thinks of “fighting” one envisions a feeling of strength, aggression and an undying spirit. Sometimes fighting back is not the right thing to do. Sometimes acceptance of the situation and a willingness to flow with the changes is the right way to go. The problem for some people is knowing when to fight and when to give in.

When you are faced with a situation that makes you feel wronged, the first thing to do is to think about it. Are you just feeling sorry for yourself and that is why you feel the need to become defensive? Whatever obstacle that has been thrown into your path may not really be such an obstacle. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned from it. Your instinct to fight may be due to your inability to see the lesson that lies within it. Maybe you are angry because it changes the path you were on and you cannot accept the feeling that you do not have as much “control” as you thought you did.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. Why? To say, because they just do, that is life, is hardly comforting. If you fight against what you cannot change, you waste valuable time and probably just encourage more negativity. In no way do I advocate being a doormat and allowing people to abuse, use, or take advantage but fight when it is the right thing to do. When something awful happens that disrupts your way of life or threatens to permanently change it, examine what these changes really mean to your life. If it is dealing with an illness, find ways of learning how to cope with it. A financial setback? Figure out how to adjust your life to it and work on ways to get to a place where you are financially comfortable.

When you wallow in your “sorrows” you become angry, depressed and eventually, finding the way out of the darkness becomes harder. Be angry but don’t allow it to consume you. Cry, if you need to. Crying is a release that can make you feel better. Holding in your emotions and trying to ignore that they exist is called denial. It often is painful to face life’s truths but if you don’t you will be frozen in the moment. Although it may seem like life is going on, yours isn’t. Think about it. All you can focus on is this one event that changed your world. You are not moving forward from it. You are not seeing if there is anything good in it. You are not accepting that maybe you cannot change what happened. If you cannot change it, you need to accept it. No matter how painful it is. It is your choice. Get on with living your life or allow what happened to destroy you.

Standing up for yourself is a way of fighting for yourself. That kind of fighting is always good. Never allowing someone to tear down your self-esteem and kill your spirit is self-preservation. That is not an “angry” kind of fighting, it is survival fighting. When something happens that you were not expecting, you want desperately to turn back time but that is not possible. Sometimes giving in is not giving up but accepting what you cannot change and are not meant to change.

Knowing and learning the difference can be hard. It takes self-reflection, faith and the ability to be honest with yourself.

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