Conflict also can be a catalyst that the stage for change needed. You will never deal with conflict perfectly, but here are ten tips worth using in dealing with difficult people on and off the job:
- Talk to people instead of talking about them
Dealing with conflict directly maybe uncomfortable and lead to some disappointment but its cuts down the mind-reading and resentment that can occur when problems are not dealt with directly. Timing, tact and keeping a distance with always have their place, but make sure you still keep conflict eyeball to eyeball.
2. Do not avoid conflict
People often vacillate between the past of dealing with unresolved problems and the guilt over not dealing with them. Such indecisiveness saps energy and time; it can affect morale and turnover. Be a problems solver not a problem-evader .Problem-solvers learn to deal with conflict as soon as it arises.
3. Develop an effective communication style
Focus on future problem-solving not past issues. You want change not just an admission of guilt. Winners of arguments never really win because consistent losers never forget. You want results, not enemies seeking revenge.
4. Deal with issues not personality
It is all too easy to abuse the difficult party instead of dealing with issues. Be assertive, but acknowledge that others can have different positions, values and priorities. When you personalize disagreements and hit back, you invite escalation. Keeps the focus on mutual problem-solving not name calling?
5. Face resistance
Attempts at threatening or silencing criticism will only force resistance underground and increase the changes. Push for the specific suggestions. If criticism is extensive, and continues even after you look it in the eye it may be resistance know when to admit that you are wrong.
6. Redefine caring
This includes confronting someone on a timely and consistence basis. Avoid labels that give you excuses for not confronting a problem for example so-and-so is too sensitive or too nice or he is of a certain background or race. If you believe people cannot change or benefit from feedback you will tend not to confront them. Instead treat all equally and be caring enough to be firm, fair and consistent.
7. Avoid forming adverse relationships
In strained or negative relationships everyone loses. Take seriously the words of Confucius:
“Before you embark on a journey of revenge dig two graves.” Even the most difficult person usually have some people he works with well. Learn to look for the best even in the difficult people.
8. Invest time in building positive bridge
Abraham Lincoln reportedly said: “I don’t like that man; I’m going to have to get to know him better.” Look for way to be sincere. It takes a history of positive contact to build trust. Search for areas of common ground. Even if bridge building does not work by being the positive bridge builder, you build a reputation everyone will come to respect, even if a few difficult people never respond.
9. Keep your perspective
Even if none of the suggestions work, tell yourself: this too shall pass! Keep evidence of your effort to build the better relationship. Find ways to work on projects that build new exposure in other areas within your organization. You may just find a new position with a different team to work with. With the crazy or brutalizing boss or co-worker you may even have to leave. Always invest 5 per cent of your time in your next career so you are continually developing career choices. You want to stay for the right reasons, not because you are trapped.
10. Spend some time looking at mirror
“if you find that everywhere you go, you are always surrounded by jerk and you are constantly being force to strike back at them or correct their behavior guess what? You are jerk. Start by making sure that you are not being difficult of your self.