Surviving Loneliness in a World of Couples

You may have spent the last several years focused on furthering your education or climbing the corporate ladder. Meanwhile, your friends have settled into marriage, family life or are in commited relationships. You are always the bridesmaid, never the bride and loneliness is the only one knocking on your door.

Sounds like a real sad situation, doesn’t it? What it really is is a perfect excuse for a pity party, if you let it be that way. Especially for a person who has battled depression in the past, or present, feeling sorry for yourself is only going to pull you deeper into depression.

Depression is a serious but treatable mental illness but loneliness can sometimes be made worse when you focus on what you do not have. Just because you find yourself single does not mean your life needs to be a lonely, sad existance.

The truth is that you made your choices in life and believe it or not, you are probably not the last single lady on earth. Chances are also good that you are not going to be an old maid either. Right now, it may feel lonely at times, but learning how to survive loneliness is a skill that needs to be learned. You need to be comfortable with being alone. Even married couples need alone time. “Me” time is necessary for good mental health. Take this time to pursue interests. Do self-maintenance. Learn who you are inside.

When you sit and compare your life to your friends’ lives, it may seem like your life is empty. Do you really think that having a special someone in your life will make you whole? That is a bad attitude to have and a recipe for a bad relationship. Depending on someone else to make you feel better about yourself puts way too much pressure on a relationship. You should feel good about yourself all by yourself.

Remember that the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. You can be envious of what your friends have but you do not know what their real life is like. They might have a relationship but it may not be a happy one. Relationships, even good ones, have ups and downs. Babies and children are a blessing but it takes sacrifice and work.

If you feel lonely and it is a feeling that becomes a consistent part of your life, you need to figure out why you feel like this. Comparing yourself to others is not the way to judge your life. You are unique. Your life is unique. Question what you can do to change the feelings of loneliness. Sitting around having a pity party will not cure your loneliness. That kind of mind-set will only deepen your feelings of depression.

You need to decide what you want from your life and go after it. If you really want someone special to share your life with, decide if you are emotionally ready for that kind of commitment. You need to feel secure in yourself. If you are experiencing continual bouts of loneliness, chances are that you are looking for others to validate who you are. You need to strengthen who you are and become a whole person. When you are able to spend the night (or day) alone and do it happily, you are closer to be ready to have another person compliment your life. If you cannot honestly say that you are okay with alone time, you are not ready.

If your friends really all seem to have moved on with their lives, maybe it is time for you to develop new friendships. Pursue your interests by getting involved in organizations, groups or activities where you can spend time with people who have similar interests. Don’t go looking for love or friendship. Go for the pure enjoyment of doing something that you enjoy. In no time, loneliness will knock at your door but you will not be there to answer.

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