Talking to a Woman Because It is The Right Thing to Do

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When was the last time you just talked to a woman for no particular reason other than the fact that you were intrigued by her and wanted to get to know more?  Seriously, no expectations from the conversation but other than to see her for who she really is?  I have thought about how difficult it was for me to talk to women in the past and have come to the conclusion that the expectations that I had of what that conversation may lead to was the reason for the nervousness, not the fact that I was talking to a woman itself.

Men should know how to talk to women without seeing any results come out of that conversation and women should know when to recognize a man that is genuinely interested in them for what it is worth.  If you find that the women that you speak to are bored easily or would rather move on and talk to someone else because you are not trying to get close to them then you are talking to the wrong women.  It is that easy, this is just someone that you do not have as much in common with as you would like to or someone that wants attention from you that is different than what you are ready to provide at that moment.  It isn’t personal, it does not have to be complicated, just move on.

If you really are interested in a woman romantically then by all means, go ahead and do what you need to do.  However, if you are not and all of the sudden the focus of your conversations change or the mood changes, and you find that she is not responsive to your attempts to initiate those conversations with her just move on.  It is not that a woman will not tell you if she is interested, as most will.  What happens is that your average woman wants to see how far you are going to take this and how creative and resourceful you are at getting to that point where she feels that it is now okay to let you in on that fact. 

This isn’t to suggest that everyone woman that is still talking to you after ten or fifteen conversations wants to jump your bones.  This is just to say that women that are still around after that many conversations that flowed easily may honestly consider you to be a friend.  Women that are not, well, it can get uncomfortable and confusing all of the sudden.  People say that men and women cannot be friends, and I do not think that this is the case.  What happens is that people’s expectations change, and they want to be pursued or are in the mood to pursue, and the other person is not reciprocating those actions.

So the friendship feels weird because it really is weird, as either one person wants more, or they both want more but it just does not “feel right” because of the way that the relationship unfolds.  That really is a weird friendship because in a true friendship people are easily able to convey their thoughts and emotions to that other person without fear of judgement or persecution.  Most men and women can be friends with each otherfor a season.  That time could be a few days, a few months or a few years.  But if one likes the other in time that season will come to pass, and the friendship will then become uncomfortable and weird.

There is no great mystery as to what happens next.  If you feel that strongly about the friendship perhaps this is a conversation that you two need to have.  If you do not then one should be able to move on with their lives.  Chances are that you are in a different stage with someone else in your life when this occurs, so focus on that other person and leave this girl alone.  Over the years I have found myself in a lot of weird situations where I did not like the other girl but as a friend and that was okay for a while but then I found out that the friendship just was not the way that I had imagined that it would be.  I am friendly person, mainly an introvert but when you get to know me I am a very friendly person.  People mistake that to think that I can get attached easily or would insist on a situation because I have learned how to open up but keep myself in check in that while intimacy, on that psychological level, was occurred I still know where I am at in the relationship.  Those are chances that are worth taking, and I do not know how to turn that part of me off and just keep with the same old smalltalk.  Perhaps I was misconstrued, perhaps I was misunderstood.  If you ask me questions I may ponder a bit, but chances are I will tel you the answer.  Perhaps you do not really want to know or perhaps I should not tell.  I feel that if it does not jeopardize what I have at home it should be an issue.

There was a point in time where I would get attached easily, but after having done that enough times one become skeptical of the entire process.  So I hold back a lot, maybe I do not give enough of myself, maybe I do not open up as I should or as someone else would.   At the end of the day there are more questions than answers.  As far as I can tell there still are some friends of the opposite sex.  I think I am okay with them, everything seems to be fine on paper.  Perhaps that is the quiet before the storm, but I try to enjoy being in the middle of the eye for as long as I possibly can …


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