I am a single 30-year-old Christian woman who keeps getting nagged by mom about settling down and having children. I do understand my biological clock is ticking, but I know many who had children after 35, and I would like to advance my career as much as possible before settling for being a mom and housewife like my own mom did. How do I tell my mother it is none of her business and she should back off? I will have children when I’ve got money in the bank and feel it is time to either have children by adoption or artificial insemination if I do not have a husband. I do want to do it in accordance with biblical standards. ~ Career Claire in Cincinnati
Dear Claire, first I would like to address the phrase “settling for being a mom and housewife like my own mom did.” I have to say, dear, I sense a condescending tone in that phrase. Your life – and your opportunities – could have been much different if your mother had been working outside the home. I will speak for all working-at-home mothers and say that being a good wife and mother is the hardest occupation known to man. It is a 24/7 job with precious little relief and it takes a special woman to do it well.
You are correct when you say it is your life and should be your choice. Perhaps your mother, by virtue of her age and life experience, is able to look ahead to you being her age and feel sad because you have no one with whom to share your life. Or, perhaps, like most women your mother’s age, she is looking forward to being a grandmother. Grandmothers get a “second chance” at mothering with their grandchildren. None of us did it perfectly the first time.
You said you were a Christian woman and wanted to have children the biblical way. So, assuming you own a Bible, let’s explore the Proverbs 31 woman. This was not a woman who “settled”, Claire.
In Praise of a Good Wife – Proverbs 31: 10-31
A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find!
Her husband depends on her, and she never lets him down.
She is good to him every day of her life, and with her own hands she gladly makes clothes.
She is like a sailing ship that brings food from across the sea.
She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family
and to tell her servants what to do.
She knows how to buy land* and how to plant a vineyard*, and she always works hard.
She knows when to buy or sell,* and she stays busy until late at night.
She spins her own cloth, and she helps the poor and the needy.
Her family has warm clothing, and so she doesn’t worry when it snows.
She does her own sewing, and the clothes she makes are attractive and of good quality.
Her husband is a well-known and respected leader in the city.
She makes clothes to sell to the shop owners.*
She is strong and graceful, as well as cheerful about the future.
Her words are sensible, and her advice is thoughtful.
She takes good care of her family and is never lazy.
Her children praise her, and with great pride her husband says,
“There are many good women, but you are the best!”
Charm can be deceiving, and beauty fades away,
but a woman who honors the LORD deserves to be praised.
Show her respect – praise her in public for what she has done!
*Notice the entrepreneurial achievements of this wife!
Claire, this is a woman who respects herself – maybe even one who works out! Did you notice she is strong and graceful? And she knows when to buy and when to sell – a real talent in today’s world if one is playing the Market or is dabbling in Real Estate!
Her children praise her and she is precious to her husband. I guess what you have to decide is do you ever want to be cherished and praised in this way? Your mother does. She needs your praise, Claire.
And last, we live in a world that has perpetrated some lies. One of them is that we no longer need men. Look at most of the programs on television – especially the comedies. The man is portrayed as a dufus that even his children do not respect. And with the advancement of the Gay and Lesbian movement, it is made abundantly clear you don’t even need a man’s body to have children! Just go to a sperm bank.
God’s Way is that Jesus is the Head of the home, the husband is answerable to Him for his wife and children, and the wife is a helper to her husband’s achievements and responsibilities. It does not mean she is inferior to him, only that she is responsible for different departments of their union. My godly grandma used to say: “A head wouldn’t be able to move if it weren’t for the neck!”
If you truly are a follower of Christ, and want to live as a godly woman, then SELF cannot reign on your throne! If pride, ambition, or independence (defined as walking your way instead of God’s Way) rules in your life, then I would suggest you ask God to search your heart and reveal what is displeasing to Him.
In parting, I would like to remind you that anything with two heads is a freak. There can only be one head per family, business, or organization. Bless you, dear.
Copyrighted 2009 April Lorier