Monday, December 18

Matrimonial Conflicts

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               For one reason or another, homes that are supposed to be places full of warmth where the members of a family can gather through together are being transformed into cold residences where there is hardly anytime for dialouge and confidence. Family life is much more than just living together under the same roof. It is not enough to be physically united with the other members of the family: love and confidence are also very much a part of family life. The lack of physical union among the members of the family is indeed destructive of family life. But even more harmful and destructive is the presence of moral disunion: the lack of harmonious and cordial communication of affections between the husband and wife and the other members of the family. This lack of unity is inevitably a result of egoism. Matrimony is a great task which begins at the moment of the wedding. But it is not a matter of simply starting wiht a big bang and trying to maintain this euphoric state throughout married life. True love has the enormous greatness of being always capable of expanding and growing. It must grow or else it dies out.

              The tendency we have of applying to others what we observe in ourselves may lead us to situations of conflict with others. Spouses will avoid many displeasures in everyday married life if they never forget that one man and one woman, functionally similar but psychologically very different, have gotten married and are living together. In this situation, mutual understanding is as important as the attraction which brought them together and which led them to deal with each other in a dignified manner proper to human persons and to accept each other just as they were without any feelings of superiority of inferiority. Understanding and love are highly indespensable in respect to the right that each spouse has to his or her own personal intimacy. I once heared that to love someone is to be able to tell him everything. Precisely because love is a constant presence that usually remains unseen; it is a serviceable availability that is never obtrusive.

              This ideas have very concrete application in the emotional and sexual life of spouses. They are both different persons with different types of personalities. They should not impose their own ways of doing things on each other.

               Marriage is a call to sanctity. Spouses who do not understand this may arrive at grievous disagreements which may lead to the destruction of their matrimonial common life. In spite of the intensity of human love between spouses, there can be no solid union between them wihtout the unity of faith and religiousity. Love always implies suffering and no one can accept suffering sincerely wihtout God’d help.

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