Querida… other woman… third party
Words that might mean nothing to others yet have brought a lot of pain, heartaches and scarred a chosen few. With just a stroke of misfortune I was one of those chosen few who not only knew the exact meaning of these words but as well as experience its devastating effect. It wrecked havoc in my once peaceful family and shook its very foundation. It was too late when I realized that the foundation was not strong enough to sustain the burden. A realization that still haunts me now, I still think of the “what ifs” and “only ifs” that I should have done and could have done with which my family could have gone through the experience unharmed. It was too late, a “third party” gnawed the very core of my once happy and peaceful family. It did not stop there, I wish it had.
The effect rippled ‘til it claimed the lives of the two people who nurtured me since birth, the very people who:
Spent sleepless nights taking turns to watch over me,
Happily waited for my first word,
Supported my first step,
Helped me blew my first birthday candle,
Whispered my first birthday wish,,
Patiently taught me my first alphabet,
Read my very first handwriting even if its backwards,
Listened patiently to my off key singing,
Pinned my very first academic award,
Accepted me for all the crazy things I’ve done,
Stood by me,
Believed in me.
Their death was caused by someone who did not know where she should stand, what she should have done. A person who cares for no one but herself, call me unfair and biased but I was there when she told my Mom “I’ll have your husband and I’ll make you hurt ‘til you die.” True to her word, my Mom went six feet below the ground and not long after that my Dad followed suit.
Those times were like pages from someone else’s book. It did not felt real, it was like seeing a drama on TV.
The experience left a scar so deep only time can tell when it will heal. The pain was so great it still bring unexpected tears. The heartaches were so real that remembering those times still hurt, just like now. It will never be the same again, the lessons I’ve learned were harsh and cruel and it left me confused and unsure where I used to be so focused and confident. Nothing could ever bring back how it used to be, accepting what happened and learning from it even when its hard will be the only option. For it is only in acceptance that healing can start.