Monday, December 11

Why You End Up Winning The Girl Over And Getting With Her When You Are Not Trying as Opposed to When You Are Putting in a Lot of Hard Work

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I’ve noticed that a lot of people try to help others to get a woman’s attention but tend to focus on the negative aspects of courting a female. I will attempt to talk about ways that have actually worked for me in no particular order. Now my perspective may be a bit different because I am not the typical guy and I consider my approach to be a bit unorthodox and “out of the box”. I tried to play games and I fared okay when I was of that mindset but I inevitably took my focus off of women and followed my own interests and stopped trying to fit in. It was only when I was comfortable with myself in my own skin that I noticed that the women who were interested in me began to change. At the same time I think the same tactics can work for everyone. What keeps a lot of men from getting with the girls of their dreams, and in particular, what prevents a lot of guys from having encounters with women is nervously, anxiety, not feeling as though they are good enough for the girl, poor fashion sense, and just being out of touch with society in general. At the same time a lot of women like guys that are on the outside that can show them something different and get them to think about life differently, but those guys have to be confident in who they are around women. There is a delicate balance between being arrogant and being narcissistic and out of reach a lot of men miss. You do not want to be the first guy that goes up to talk to her but you do not want to be the last either. You want to shoot somewhere inbetween. You do not want to be the guy that needs to spend time alone with her for no particular reason and that guy that cannot operate in a crowd but you do not want to be with someone that is unwilling to let go of her crowd because she does not want to get to know you better either. Finally, you do not want to dismiss your boys but at the same time you are not having sex with your boys either, so there is a time and place for everything. Shooting in the middle is where you can get to where you need to go and shooting high and setting goals for the relationship you are not sure that you are going to meet is how you keep the girl. Mediocrity kills a lot of relationships that have not seen their full potential. So in no particular order this is the short list:

1. Compliment a woman

In today’s society chivalry is seen as a weakness and a rare trait that men do not possess. But too often men think of chivalry as opening the door for a woman or allowing her to step onto and off of an escalator before they do. As good as those examples are there will be times that you cannot acknowledge a woman in that way and you need to be a bit more creative. I recommend complimenting a woman and acknowledging something about her that stands out before she has the opportunity to do the same to you.

I often get compliments on what I wear because of my unique sense of style. But I often miss an opportunity to do the same for someone that is doing something interesting that stands out. Do not look at this as “well she’ll think I’m just trying to find a way to talk to her” and just do it and move on. In other words, if that breaks the ice that is fine, but if she says thank you and smiles but does not say anything else in return, then your job is done. If it is meant for you to speak to her again you will see her again and you can take it from there. If not it was just a kind gesture that could have made her day.

2. Do not “talk” to a woman, just talk to her

As much as I like someone I find that it is far easier to make small talk here and there than to give into the pressure to “get with” a woman and “seal the deal”. In other words if the mood is right and the my intuition is clear I can go forth and speak to what it is truly on my mind but if not I will just talk to her if I have something to say. If there is nothing to say then just forget about it and move on. I would agree with an article I re-tweeted on Twitter that if you have nothing to say you are better off not saying anything at all.

There is something to be said for enjoying someone’s company without saying anything. Intimacy is often developed when words are not being exchanged in complete silence. You might actually get closer to the girl that way than you will running off of the top of your head. “Talking” to a woman is a mental exercise and exhausting, but talking to her is what you actually want to do because you have something that you want to share with her. When you are “talking” to a girl you are not getting a feel for who she is at all but when you are talking to her you are listening more than you are moving your mouth. Easier said than done because your nerves will get the best of you, but it is possible over time.

3. Find something to do with your time with her than just spend time with her

The problem with getting to know someone that you have nothing in common with is that you are always going to digress and attempt to get in the sack with her because while you are attracted to her there is nothing else to build upon. This is how a lot of trouble is started before a real relationship can even begin. So just take it easy and see what happens.

4. Show confidence

This could be the woman of your dreams that you never thought you were good enough for. This could also be the woman that you want to get with because you can seeing that she takes an interest in your or the woman for that particular moment. It really does not matter if you let your nerves get to you. You have to remain cool, calm, and collected. The worst that can happen is that you come across as not being interested enough or that you are perceived as a jerk. For the right person that might actually work in your favor.

5. Keep an open mind

When you are young you often fail to realize that you are going to run across more women in your lifetime that you will ever remember or may ever care to count. So when it comes to sex and relationships there is always another day. Those who are pressed to be with someone and that cannot wait to be with someone are usually the first to be alone and the first to be miserable when they end up with someone that is not right for them. Women seem to be in control and they appear to be on top of things but quite often they are as lonely and anxious as we are.

At the same time you have to know what you are willing to put up with and set your own price and learn to walk when it does not feel right. You also have to be flexible because some of your demands can be completely unrealistic and can put you in a position in which you will never meet that right person. Too often the right person is right in front of us; yet even when we realize this that does not mean that we have to have sex with them or have to be in a relationship. Anxiety and impatience are some of the biggest reasons why people end up alone well into their forties.

People approach relationships with this long laundry list and say that they are going to leave for this reason or that one. The way in which life works, these issues always come about, people always leave and they are alone again. I am not saying that you should compromise and stick around with every girl that cheats on your with your best friend, your brother or your father. But what I am saying is that every action needs to be taken into context.

Relationships and sex are muscles that are exercised like every other. If you have no experience you have no discretion and you like everyone that likes you. If you are in a relationship and are content a lot of people will like you that you do not like or if you do like them you will not act on it because you have no logical reason to do so as greed kills off of a lot of good relationships as well. Sex is the same way if you are always getting it you can wait for something different or someone different to come around. If you are never getting it you will take it wherever you can find it.

How often have you found yourself in a situation with someone in which you were unequally matched? Someone you could not impress that was out of reach that you just had to have. Someone you will waste years putting in work for, and then you see someone else just casually come in and get the girl and you are left there standing dumbfounded. Do you still want her as much, is her stock still as high as it was and can you build her up in your mind as you once did?

Some of us will continue to be in that situation until we learn to be true to ourselves. There is no such thing as someone being too good for you. There will be girls that do not like you for various reasons, but to be totally honest a woman either likes you or she doesn’t. There are a lot of issues that camouflage the fact that a woman does not like you, such as money, game, your swagger or lack thereof, but at the end of the day she never really liked you anyway. So you can master all of the techniques, learn how to win at all of the games and have that perfect swagger with the perfect style and the endless wardrobe and that still may not be good enough for that woman.

Your swagger, your style and the way you dress and groom yourself, and the psychological games that you play have to be extensions of your personality and who you are. If you are going to play games use them to make money and climb the corporate ladder or to hustle, be on your grind, whatever, anything but to waste those talents in trying to win over some female. Getting that girl means nothing if you do not have anything to entertain her with, and of course you need a bit left over for yourself. Why would you waste your efforts into dressing the part when you do not even like fashion to begin with and find it to be effeminate? That is a complete waste of time.

You want someone that just happens to have the attributes that a woman wants. You want to give the impression that you are always doing this regardless of whether anyone else is looking at you or not. When you are that guy that is stretching and reaching for something to say and is pulling something out of thin air you are not that guy that women want. Getting a woman can take time, and if you are serious about it you may as well dig in your heels and realize that despite your best efforts little can come out of it but to enjoy her company. So you set your aspirations low, even though you are working for a goal you do not know if you are going to reach.

I never got anyone being obsessed with the big picture. Women that I would have liked to have sex with came and went, and it never happened. The sex I did get was because I was caught up in the moment with someone I had not initially set out to be with but that I ended up meeting when I was busy doing my own thing. Some girls really wanted me and some just wanted attention and wanted to see how far I was willing to go. There were also a lot of missed opportunities, some that I probably needed to miss out on and others that I will never totally be sure if I missed out on because I was slow or in the wrong place at the right time. That is just how life works, those are “the breaks”, and there is little one can do about it. It helps when you do not care so much and are a bit indifferent; this is what guys I looked up to always told me and what I never understood until I went through it myself. Everyone will tell you something different, I can only speak on what worked for me.

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