Wednesday, December 13

Life Happens

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   When I became pregnant with my first child I had this elaborate life and upbringing planned out for my baby. I would just love this baby and everything would be perfect and come naturally. Of course, life doesn’t always work out the way you hoped.

   I had my son when I was 22. My husband and I were so excited when he was born. At the hospital everything was fine until the day I was discharged. On our way out my husband asked the nurse if it was possible that our son had jaundice due to the orange hue he had to him. We were assured that he didn’t and everything was fine.  Two days later as we sat in the ER with our son because he had jaundice, it dawned on me that maybe it wasn’t going to be so simple. Turns out I am a very unpleasant person when I don’t get enough sleep as my husband will gladly let anyone know. 

   My son had his first seizure before he was one and has been having them ever since. There is nothing scarier than watching your child go through that and feel so completely helpless. He has de-skinned the tip of his finger hiding in a locker and sticking his finger in the door jam. Did I feel like a terrible parent as my son was getting stitches? You bet!  My son was then later wrongly diagnosed with ADHD. We had a tough time with that and the decision whether to medicate or not. We did reluctantly only to find out that wasn’t what was needed. They now think he might have autism mixed with a severe anxiety disorder. I felt like I should have known that was wrong seeing how he was my child but I then had to remind myself that I wasn’t a doctor. I found myself feeling horrible for getting frustrated with him over things. I felt guilty when I want to have some alone time with my husband.  My husband and I had fights over stupid, petty things due to the stress. I would often sit down and say to myself, “Wow. This is not what I envisioned when I saw our family’s future”.  As a parent you want what is best for your child always and you feel like a failure when things happen to them that are less than ideal. I have news for everyone though, life happens. I didn’t pick for my son to have these challenges but I will do my best to help him overcome them.

   We just welcomed our daughter a few months ago. I found myself thinking as I starred at her the first night home what this one was going to throw at us. I am now 26 and have already started finding grey hairs. I chalk it up to being a parent and while I wanted to cry at first as I plucked them out, I have come to terms with them now thanks to Loreal. My husband and I are back in the routine of not getting a lot of sleep and being snappy with each other at times but are learning to sneak away for guilt free us time. I am sure I will have many more trips to the ER in the next 18 years. Raising kids is hard and anyone who tells you it is easy is a liar or in denial but I have to say it is so worth all the ups and downs. I love my kids and wouldn’t change one thing about them.  I have to say why I might not always think as myself as the best parent, I do think I do a pretty good job raising them and letting them know they are my greatest , if not most difficult, treasures in life.

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