Being a parent is one of the most daunting, rewarding,challenging, roller-coaster ride of a lifetime, and oh boy what a ride. I have heard new mothers and fathers say the same thing to me that I thought a thousand times over. “Why don’t they come with a manual.” I would have to agree it would be a lot easier!
When I had my first child I read every parenting book on the planet got a few ideas of what to expect, but I quickly learned that every child is different. What works for one may not work for another. I soon threatened to burn the book’s out of frustration, and realised no they don’t come with a manual.
After my first I gained experience through trial and error and it was a roller-coaster of a ride, but I would not have changed any of it for the world. So I decided to do it again, and this brought me back to the books as I thought of my eldest reaction to having a younger brother. A new experience was on the way as well as a new baby.
The fears of what will my son say? and how will he react? was a daunting time. It had always been him and I. My son was going to be six when the baby was born and he was still in the clingy stage of wanting mummy and only mummy. I was still having trouble of getting to sleep in his own bed. Can you see my fears?
The biggest fear was jealously, how would I stop it from happening, if it did what would I do?
I picked a time to tell my son when we were sat together on the couch, I asked him what would you think of mummy giving you a brother or sister, his reply was. “Like my friend’s mummy she fat.” I raised a smile. My son looked long and hard at me, and then asked the question “Why” I said that I going to get fat like you’re friends mummy. His little face was confused and again he asked “Why” I gave him a cuddle and said “Because mummy has a brother or a sister for you. Growing in side me. My son looked me up and down and said “You’re not fat.” he prodded me with his finger in my tummy. I explained I will get fat as he put it as the baby gets bigger, with this he went quite. “Why you need another baby? I was stumped to say the least, the only way I could think of was to say that mummy had so much love to give I need to share some of that love or I would pop. My son looked shocked maybe that was not the best thing to add that mummy would pop, but my son pulled a face and said. “Can I have a brother then please, at this point I did not know what I was having and I did not want to give him fails hope then having to say sorry you got a sister instead. I told him that I did not have a choice in choosing that was out of my hands we will find out together when the time is right. All I got was stubborn look, at this point. On going to bed that night my son wanted to sleep with me because he wanted to keep his baby and mummy safe, I had a feeling this was a good start. My heart ached with his little words.
From the first trip to the doctors and to all my scans my son came with me and took part from day one in everything to do with the baby, and even when we made a trip for my son to have his injections, he sat on my knee holding my now fat belly. And cuddled it while the doctor injected him he was brave with mummy and bump in the room. The day came for me to have a scan and in this scan I would be able to tell what I was having. My son of course came along and was asking why I was crying when the nurse told me I was having a baby boy. I looked at him and simply said you got you’re baby brother that you wanted, the biggest smile came across his face that made me cry more, he was so excited.
The day came when my son meet his baby brother for the first time, I think because of all the involvement with the pregnancy he never felt left out or forgotten about, even when all that our family members were talking about was the new baby. My sons involvement did not stop after I brought his baby brother home, I asked him every time I changed his brother to help with getting things and he wanted so much to help. This has helped with the bond that my son has with his baby brother, as he wants to be the big brother all the time, he protects him and the thought of jealousy to me now seems a silly thought. My eldest is now ten, and my youngest is now five and there relationship is growing from strength to strength of course brothers will be brothers but that’s another story…………….