Monday, December 11

Reality TV

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With very few exceptions, most of what I watch on television these days is reruns. It seems most of what is on nowadays is what they deem “reality television.” I am trying to figure out where the “reality” part comes in.

Let’s consider one show that has been on for a few years. A bunch of people get abandoned somewhere on the face of the planet with television cameras. That just screams reality so far. These people compete in some sort of weird Olympic events, eat rats, and vote each other off of wherever it is they are at. I love to eat rats-how about you? Then after a few weeks, those who were voted off come back to vote for one of the two remaining “contestants,” and that “contestant” wins money. Oh yeah, I did that the other day!

Perhaps we can get a bunch of wealthy teenagers to let us document their lives. Didn’t we already have 90210? Oh…this is “reality.” Sorry I forgot. I get to live like this every day…really…not.

Somehow the networks rake in the cash with these shows. My theory is that no one is really watching these shows. There’s either nothing else on, or people put on the TV for background noise while they do other things. With that said, I think they should make the following “reality” shows:

Boogie Master-Tune in each week as Jimmy finds new and interesting ways of picking his neighbors’ noses. Remember never to flick a boogie into the wind!

The Wonderful World of Wax- You get to see what ear wax looks like, how it forms, exactly who gets it, and who can make the coolest candles!

The Buzz -Follow a swarm of bees as they make honey and sting unsuspecting victims.

Peter the Proctologist-Join Peter each week as he takes you on a journey through someone’s colon.

Wedgie Wonders-See who gets wedgies and the ways they get picked out.

Snot, ear wax, bee stings, colonoscopies, and we all get wedgies…but at least I came up with a little bit of reality, while the real “reality” shows just leave me thinking “WHAT?”

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