You know it is going to be very hard on your children when you divorce or separate from your significant other. The kids regretably always get caught in the crossfire, no matter how many safeguards and preventive steps (among others) that are taken to help shield the kids from what can be a very vicious divorce or separation. Even if the breakups are amicable, children are going to be unwitting pawns, as the kids are in some very loose ways and terminologies ‘possessions’ of their parents. No parent really wants to part with their child, and in divorces with minor children-custody, support and visitation usually become the prime issues of a divorce. Ultimately, what do you say to your child if you are one or the other opposing parent. You know it is not going to be very easy, and probably pretty hard, at least for sometime afterwards.
The whole family on both sides eventually becomes involved: grandparents, aunts, uncles. The best thing as a parent that you could say to your child is that you love them. After all, even if you do not get custody, you will still have visitation. Invariably, you are still their parent. You want them to grow up well-adjusted. If the breakup was vicious, usually a huge custody battle will ensue. As a parent, you have to restrict that strong urge to make your child side…You don’t want them sucked into the maelstorm of vicious almost hand-to-hand fighting in a bloody divorce or separation. Kids are very smart and aware of what is going on, albeit through an undeveloped and emotionally immature mind. These are especially the reasons that you must talk to them, re-assure them that they are not the reasons why mommy and daddy are fighting and getting a divorce.
Talking to them in an unbiased fashion that excludes them from the reasons and motivations for the diivorce also helps to not have them swayed against you by your other partner. But children will still be convinced from time to time by your ex-husband or wife that mommy or daddy was the reason behind the divorce. Separating your brood from this endless melee helps to prevent that. Although it cannot totally get rid of the issue. Showering them with love and affection, as well as re-assuring them not only helps your children recover, but yourself as well. You are also going to go through a lot of torn emotions and angst. Helping your tots to deal with it also helps you to deal with it. Therefore, you can both go on with your lives.