I love You Mom

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I cry alone because I couldn’t explain it if you saw me

I cut because it’s my only physical contact

I bitch and moan because I can’t put into words what really hurts

I tell you that I hate you and you and you suck and never understand me

Because I love you

Because if I tell you what I feel

Because if you stay

You’ll realize how bad I hurt

You’ll realize there is no cure

That I’ve been screwed forever

That I’ll be miserable until I die

And once you understand me

You feel the same way too

So I say I hate you

I tell you go away

Because I love

Because even though its not my job’

I’m protecting you

Because if I don’t

Two are where I am instead of one

Because no one’s saved and you’re too lost

If you discover the scars on my arms

I’ll seem so calm

I’ll convince you it won’t happen again

I’ll convince I’m still leading a normal life

Then I’ll go into my room

Place my headphones blasting music of how I feel into my ears

I’ll scream so shrilly you won’t hear

I’ll drag the knife down and across my arm

I’ll hold it to my throat

To my chest

Pretending I have enough muscle power

Just for a second

To strike the final blow

I’ll pretend that’s all it would take

To give away my pain

Then bleeding and stinging

I’ll put away my weapon

I’ll cover up my arms

I’ll sit in my room till in you come

And I’ll smile

“I love you mom”

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