Things You’ll Need:
- cell phone
- contact with them even when they ignore you
- God and prayer
- Car, to always go and check on them
- Friends whom you can trust to talk to yourself.
- Family encircling the suicidal child.
- Deep reserve of Hope
- Wisdom and just listening
There are times in all our lives when we reach that wall, that is just to hard to climb over. Divorce looms in our path, or adultery is seeming unbearable. Maybe, the thought of being alone is harder than being with a person who doesn’t love us anymore. What signs do we look for in our child, who is desperate and depressed.
Calling them, go to their house… In the midst of ending a family relationship, this child of ours cannot see that there is hope. They just see the future they held wiped away, sometimes without any warning, sometime subtle signs that they ignore. Ofttimes, the extended family sees these red flags before the suicidal child does. In my experience, sometimes all I could do was just go there. Be at their house, go and bang on their door, make them respond to you. Send them text messages, call them and leave messages on their cell phone. They don’t have hope, but you must give them some support. You also have to acknowledge the situation and realize it’s going to be a long road to recovery, and you will have to be available and on call at a moments notice. We know our children, we know the normal rthymn of their ups and downs, and we can recognize when these normal feelings have deteriorated to feelings of hopelessness and deep depression.
That child may not be ready to face the real facts. They may know them unconsciously, but their self-esteem is gone. They feel of no value, because if the person who married them, who knows their weaknesses does not consider them worthy of love, then who else could ever love them, they think? Those marriage vows were taken with a sacred oath, but one partner, doesn’t consider the life-altering affect they are having on their spouse, your child. Make sure your child gets up, don’t let them stay in bed for days at a time. Bring them nutritious foods, even though they feel they can’t eat or aren’t hungry. Watch them. Call their neighbors and have them check on them frequently. Call their Doctor, and go with them to see him. You may have to act forcibly, even though they are adults themselves. You love this child more than anyone could, you can help them get to the other side, without overdosing on pills, or be in a car accident, that really wasn’t an accident, or even drink alcohol to obliterate the pain,
Call suidicide.org… find out for yourself what you can do to prevent your child from suicide. Call your pastor, and prayer group, have active participation in praying for your child. Do not feel ashamed that you know your child is having a point where they are mentally breaking down. They cannot recognize this in themselves, but you can. Be proactive, and not reactive. If they want to talk, listen. Don’t offer advice, unless they ask. Lay down with them and don’t let them sleep alone, if they need it. Don’t talk bad about their spouse, it only causes them to feel defensive of him or her. When they see the ‘light’, and recognize the signs in themselves, and seek counseling, you know they are on the road to recovery. It is a teeter-totter line to walk on, but your child’s life is at stake. They may think death is better than life at this point. Take care of yourself at the same time, you too can be desperately worried and depressed because you live in fear that the next phone call is the hospital…. bring your adult child home. They may not want to come, but just for a few days to watch over them, so they can be in an environment that they know they are loved. Keep vigilant watch for unusual signs of deeper depression. Maybe they aren’t caring for their animals that they loved so much. Are they not going into work anymore? Call their manager and let them know, your child is showing signs of a breakdown, and to let you know when they don’t show up. These things may feel like a violation to your child at the time, but later on, they will see, that death is not better than life, and time, a long time, can start to heal the wound of separation and divorce. 5 There are many times in people lives they’ve not been able to prevent their child from suicide. It is probably the most devastating thing to happen in your life. You also need nurtured and supported. You may not ever feel like you did enough, but maybe, there wasn’t enough you could do. Join a support group and don’t hide, you are needed to guide other parents through the stages of grief, anger, sorrow and acceptance that you all will suffer. God Bless you in your valley of the Shadow of Death. You too, must survive. You may not get over the suicide of your child, but you will learn to live with it. You will one day, remember them with a brief smile and not always a broken heart