How To Burn Dvds.

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Digital Video Discs, or DVDs are great digital medium storage devices, round and flat with a shiny side and a dull side, quite like politics.  DVDs replaced the last big advance in memory storage, the floppy disc.  Even the person who name it the floppy disc deserves to be burned, but, apparently, there are many ways to burn a DVD.  However, when burning DVDs, make sure that children are not around, and everyone who is involved is wearing safety goggles or really cool sunglasses.

Ways to burn a DVD include, but in no way are limited to;

*    Campfire.  That’s right, just throw them all into the campfire.  Show me another multi-disc burner that burns as many DVDs at once as a campfire can.  Well, incinerators work really well too, but they cost money to use, and most technophobes live in their parent’s basement.  You can either just throw them all into the hottest part of the fire, which is actually the white-hot coals, or you can douse them in a flammable medium, like butane or gasoline, and use them as fire starters.

*    Lantern.  Find a stick with one end slightly smaller than the holes in the middle of a DVD.  Place as many DVDs onto the stick as possible, and then place the DVD-laden end of the stick into a campfire, bonfire or lit fireplace.  Gas ovens may work as well, but that is not a suggested mode of burning DVDs.

*    Flamethrower targets.  Hang the DVDs to brick and mortar outcroppings with a piece of wire, from a picture hanging kit.  Try to place the DVDs at different heights and around tight corners.  The flamethrower holder is challenged with lighting as many DVDs on fire, without scorching the concrete behind them, and without merely scorching the DVDs.  A scorched DVD is no good, but a burned DVD can be sold in Chinatown for $5.00.

*    Microwave oven.  Place the DVDs in a high-powered microwave oven, and set the microwave for 100 percent power, for about eight to ten minutes.  Do not stare directly into the Sun while burning DVDs in a microwave, as this could alert the IRS to your whereabouts.

*    Atmospheric drops.  Take a box of DVDs to the International Space Station, and throw them off of the front porch, into the gaping hole in the atmosphere above the Arctic Ocean.  If you are lucky, you may just have a UFO named after yourself.

*    Computer.  Oh, and you can put them into something called a “computer”, which, apparently, come if the forms of “desktops”, “laptops”, “e-books” and “notepads”.  These so called computers can apparently “burn” what is referred to as “information” right onto the DVDs.  Has anyone told the CIA about these things?

No matter how you burn your DVDs, you should know well that they will be obsolete in a few years anyways.


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