Divorce is among the most potentially ugly events that can happen to a family. No marriage is ever initiated with a separation as the intended result, and whether or not there are children involved, a divorcing often has deep consequences for all parties involved.
However, as difficult as it may seem, it is best to have as amicable of a divorce as possible. Though it may require relentless effort, a steely tough psychological and emotional demeanor, and synchronized intentions for both people involved, there are three compelling reasons why to have a divorce on as positive of terms as possible.
Even those with a rudimentary understanding of child psychology would recognize that, in the eyes of kids, actions around them in reality often are skewed in their perception, often looming much larger and more impacting that they truly should be. They cry when they lose a stick they found at the park, they are overjoyed to have hot dogs for lunch, and even a minor scrape or bruise requires the loving care of an attentive parent.
How much more damaging, then, it is when something as possibly horrific as a divorce can be to an impressionable child. Especially if the situation was already snowballing with fights in the home, heated arguments at the dinner table, or a general icy chill around the house, witnessing these obviously negative acts can have truly devastating effects on a child. If at all possible, for this reason alone, it is best to come to a mutual understanding that the divorce, for whatever reason, is for the best, and thus conduct it with etiquette, respect, and agreeableness.
When two lives come together, each gains from the combination, including the breadth of one’s contacts. Often, a husband may soon learn to use his wife’s stylist for his own hair, or the man will be able to recommend the best quick oil-change body shop in town for the woman. This may also extend to friends and family who, other than the usual social buzz at gatherings, even provide knowledgeable service and quality products.
But with close ties come intense loyalty at times, and perceived slights at her from him may cause a previously useful contact to suddenly burn bridges and refuse to be a reliable source in the future. Mutual contacts could prove to be a listening ear, a somewhat valuable voice of input into the relationship aftermath, or just continuing to be a good friend; but if the divorce gets ugly, so too could the web of respective acquaintances.
The final reason can be seen as the brutally true, but very simple, summary of all the reasoning behind why a divorce should, if possible, proceed amicably: It hurts less.
Every human being is valuable and worthwhile, and none should have to go through the horrible wake of a nightmarish separation. Such a violently hurtful divorce can break a person for the rest of their life, or at least require loads of familial support and therapy to successfully overcome for the long-term. Instead, amicability should be striven for simply because it leaves each person more intact and able to face the rest of their life with a fresh new start.