Staying in touch with and honoring all your desires gives you a clear direction in life and ensures personal success. Honoring a desire does not mean you have to act on it. We create blocks in our lives that interfere with the process of our establishing our true desires.
In his book “How to get what you want and want what you have” John Gray identifies twelve ways in which people disconnect from their feelings. These are revenge, attachment, doubt, rationalization, defiance, submission, avoidance, justification, rejection, withholding, reaction and sacrifice. He suggests dealing with such feelings as follows;
1) Get mad not even– When we feel the need to hurt or make someone suffer, we are not in harmony with our true nature of being loving. By learning to release blame with forgiveness you free yourself from the tendency to waste your energy and power in trying to get even. When you let go of revenge you take back your power to be happy and fulfilled within yourself without depending on the outside.
2) Give up attachment and keep desiring– When our hearts are not healed from a loss, like that of a relationship, we continue to hold on to what is no longer available to us. When we learn to let go, accept and trust change we clearly experience that every change no matter how tragic always opens the door to more.
3) Doubt your doubts– To access your creative power to solve problems and create what you want, you have to starts from uncertainty. By shifting doubt into uncertainty, you are free to begin believing again in the possibilities that exist. Most anxiety is caused by believing our fear instead of remembering that we really do not know. Letting go of doubt allows you to focus on what you want rather than waste your power resisting what you do not want.
4) Recognizing your rationality– We block feelings of our true desires by rationalizing away our true desires. If we can take time to write down our thoughts, feelings, and desires we can listen to what is going on inside. Rationalization can cover up our feelings of remorse which allow us to self correct. We may do something that hurt others but by rationalizing we deny our souls’ desires to be compassionate.
5) Defy your defiance– When we defy something that we want to do “to get” at someone else who has upset us we think we are proving that we are free, but we are still being controlled. Instead of acting contrary to our desire to get at someone else we ought instead to be true to ourselves by defying our defiance.
6) Surrender your submission– When we surrender, we give up our resistance to what is. We embrace what we have and accept what we cannot change. We sometimes find out that our immediate requirements are unrealistic and we have to adjust. Through adjustment we accept what we have and keep thinking what we really want and how we can get it.
7) Avoid Avoidance– Much of the time when we think or feel we really want to do something we are actually seeking to avoid doing what we really want to do. When we seek to avoid situations rather than focus on attracting what we really want, we lose the opportunity to fulfill our souls’ desires. One technique to overcome procrastinating is to keep visualizing doing what you are procrastinating.
8) Defend against your defenses– We become defensive because of fear of being punished for our mistakes. Success hinges on our ability to self correct and not continuance repeating behavior or attitudes that do not work.
9) Reject Rejection– If we are deprived of an important need while growing up rather than feel the enormous pain in deprivation, we stop feeling our need. One of the symptoms of rejecting what you need is the formation of a new opposite desire. If you are rejecting the love you need, you may want the opposite or others who cannot give you what you need. Quite often we reject the people who have what we need.
10) Withholding holds you back– The greatest pain we can experience is holding back the love we feel in our hearts. When we withhold our love we deny and suppress our hearts desire. If we have been hurt by someone, we certainly need to make an adjustment so that we do not get hurt again. To love someone does not mean that we have to please that person. It just means that our hearts are open to that person. We can see good in them and we wish them well.
11) Respond rather than react– When we react to others we let them determine what we are willing to do. Being generous is one of our souls’ desires. If we are willing to accommodate and help someone we cannot let that person’s manners keep us from being true to ourselves. Most people stop doing their heart desire because of reacting to criticism or lack of appreciation. To keep your power, do not let others and their lack of manners or respect bring you down to their level.
12) Making the sacrifice of love– Since sacrifice is associated with loving; many loving people will keep on sacrificing their own wants until they are completely empty and even sick. Making others happy is healthy and good but it is jus part of what you want. To find your other desires, take time to ask yourself repeatedly what you want to be happy.
Once you have learnt to recognize the different ways you disconnect with your true desires, you can then make the necessary small adjustments to begin feeling what you want.