Why nice guys don’t succeed with women

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The question that plagues all ‘nice guys’ who don’t seem to be able to develop meaningful relationships beyond friendship with women is ‘where am I going wrong?’. Surely, from all we know about women from a biological point of view and from general social interaction, they would want a partner who is always there for them, is always nice to them, buys them lots of gifts, agrees with everything they say, change their life to suit her, expect nothing in return? Surely this would be a man who would be best suited to looking after her when carrying a child, which is the biological imperative behind all relationships? So why do women away from these men in favour of ‘bad boys’ who seem to care only about sex, that she knows will probably never contact her after he has satisfied his needs and generally just treat her badly?

If you think this way, you’re reading women’s biological imperatives all wrong. If a man acts indifferent to a woman and her advances, if he acts confident, with the air of a man who can have any woman he desires, he will instantly become more attractive because it seems he is in higher demand. Needy men who drop everything for their girl will appear to be the exact opposite. These men seem desperate, with nothing important going on in their lives.

‘Bad boys’ are not easily influenced, and are more aggressive, thus making them seem better protectors of any future children. They’re willingness to stand up to women and their general disinterest in them makes women work for what they get, so are more of a challenge. They are unpredictable and exciting, whereas if a guy always agrees and complements, no matter what they say, relationships, if they ever start, get stuck in a rut. ‘Bad boys’ are leaders, whereas ‘nice guys’ are sheep. A leader is confident, unafraid to speak his mind and can reflect criticism with ease. Sheep need the leader, but the leader doesn’t need the sheep.

Now here’s the thing, you can be a nice guy who is successful with women, both in one off encounters and in long term relationships. The first thing you have to do is be confident in yourself. You don’t need other’s acceptance to feel great. If a girl turns you down, or your girlfriend cancels on you, don’t see it as a personal insult, brush it off and move on. Second, make her work for you. You can be the leader who doesn’t need anyone else to make him happy. You can do what you want to do. DO NOT cancel your plans for her. Even if your life isn’t very busy, don’t be too available. If your life isn’t very busy, maybe this is your problem. You need to find something to focus on other than dating, maybe an open university course, learning to play an instrument, following the football with your mates, joining a local rugby club. These things will not only make you less available (a good thing) and will also develop you as a person and make you more independent, in turn making you more attractive.

In summary, you need to love yourself totally before you even think about approaching women, this is the fundamental difference between ‘nice guys’ and ‘bad boys’.

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