The Humble Gecko

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The first time I saw a brown lizard outside a friend’s house I picked it up and was looking it over when I was admonished not to harm it because it was a gecko.  “So what!” said I, “lizard’s are lizards.” Well I received a lecture about how the humble gecko lizard is harmless and eats noisome insects and in fact, if you have geckos that have made their home in your place then it’s a sign of good fortune.  So when I moved into my own place in Brisbane, Australia I discovered that I also had little light brown lizards crawling over my walls now and then. I didn’t harm them and they happily shared my flat, even though they didn’t actually contribute to the rent, although they did eat the occasional pesky bug.

            In Australia we have a stand up comic called Rodney Rude who has a routine featuring the gecko.  Now Mr. Rude is quite true to his name in his act and is quite liberal in his use of expletives.  Of course this seems to be a rule anywhere in the world with stand ups, that you have to ‘cuss’ as they say here, to get a laugh.  The more you cuss the more laughs you get, which reminds me of something, if I may digress a bit here.  I once entered a stand up contest at university and I spent a whole 15 minutes writing a comedy routine to perform.  I gathered some lecturers and office staff from my faculty and sat them down and tested it out on them.  They laughed their faces off and assured me they were laughing with me and fully encouraged me to go ahead with my act.  The host of the show gets up with a microphone and says, “Whoo, wow, how the @#$% are youse tonight?” the crowd laughs.  Then he begins, “The student union @#$% asked me to @#$% host this @#$%& show to@#$night, so here the @#$% I am.” At this the crowd was virtually rolling on the concrete pavement in fits of laughter.

             I was number 3 on the schedule for the evening and the two before me didn’t cuss as much as the MC but they did their share also.  When I wrote my routine I thought of what might be funny in situations, and I was talking about cats and how they love to sit on the sidewalks late at night and play chicken with cars, and see who can get across the road.  This usually ends with a ‘donk’ sound as their head hits the diff on the cab. I got virtually no laughs and in the final wash up I came 6th out of 7 contestants, which is better than 7th of 7.  If I ever enter another stand up contest I can just do the same routine and insert expletives all through it and I’m a shoe in.  Anyway back to the humble gecko.  Rodney Rude does a routine where he starts off singing about a gecko.  To the tune of  “In the Ghetto.”

            “On a cold and grey Chicago morn…a baby fly was born, and was eaten by a gecko…and the mama fly…”  He goes on to describe flies of different ethnic origins and what they look like using deep fry ladles no less, but in all a very funny show.

            I am in America now where they have elevated the gecko to almost super star status, and yes, I am insured with the gecko. I think the cave men live in California though as I have known some Neanderthal-like guys here in NC but not that hairy.  I wonder though, what possessed the advertising agency that came up with that campaign to give the green gecko a British accent.  In fact, I think it’d be too cold for geckos in England anyway.  Unless he was raised by his cockney gecko parents in one of the old colonies of the British Empire and he picked up their accent.  But then that would mean that he is not a ‘real’ cockney gecko that was born within earshot of the bow bells, he’d have to be you know, to be a real cockney gecko.  In the commercials he is being followed by Sir Richard Attenborough the Naturalist, and I wonder how he escaped from the dumpster, or how far the RV took him out of his way before they found him on the roof.  I have seen many geckos around my house here, and I leave them to their insect eating, but my wife won’t sit calmly if there is one nearby, it must be shooed away.  Which is ironic because her car is insured with the gecko too, but she drives a bug, yet the gecko is protecting the bug, instead of eating the bug?

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