We are breaking the male code of honor (yes, there is such a thing – we’re born with it, like some sort of genetic Geneva Convention that governs our every move) just by revealing this to you, but you deserve to know the honest truth.
1. We really are pigs. Whoever doesn’t think of girls in that way is either a liar… or gay.
2. We believe that stupidity is the apex of humor. And that Jackass is the finest movie ever made.
3. We are secretly corny. We will never admit that we painstakingly repeatedly doodle your name in our math notebooks. Yes–on every square.
4. We never lift the toilet seat. Because it just takes too much darned work.
5. There’s really no male code of honor. Enough said.