Binge Writers Anonymous: The Must-Read Article for Every Writer

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The world of passionate publishers, regardless of age, experience, or genre, unknowingly suffers from a debilitating, degenerative chronic condition called binge writing. An episode of binge writing dangerously mirrors other more traditionally-recognized cases of substance abuse. Oftentimes, the “pen-dependent’s” cycle of compulsiveness further isolates the individual for an extended period of time, impairs personal health and hygiene, disrupts sleep patterns, and may produce temporary physical discomforts, such as “typer’s wrist,” “writer’s block-ages,” and “couch-butt syndrome.” The key to preventing these currently cureless conditions is to identify common patterns of binge writing, before the occasional episode spirals into a career of repeated uncontrolled correspondence.

Personal Proofreading for the Potential Binge Writer: Telltale Warning Signs

Feeding the Monster:

Breakfast is promptly served at 11 a.m.

Lunch hour stretches from 3:31 p.m. to 3:34 p.m.

Regularly greeting the nighttime delivery drivers on a first-name basis

The bowl of dog food across the room appears appetizing

Deleting words such as food, hunger, or pizza repeatedly, due to famine-induced “typos”

Hygiene Horror Stories:

More dirty clothes are on the living room floor, than the laundry room hamper

Still wearing the same clothes this noon as last noon

Pizza (whoops, accident!) Creative distraction from an unshaved face or legs

The uncontrolled need to use the restroom, despite “relief” a thousand words ago

Difficulty deciphering the composition book positioned conveniently next to the shower

Writing renders deodorant a luxury reserved for the elite

Hair of the Dog: Grease from shampoo-free hair causes the shift key to “stick”

Other Hang-Over the Top Habits:

Saving drafts on the cell phone while driving

Sleep-writing, 3 a.m. binges

Repeatedly publishing articles about topics without prior knowledge, interest, or experience

Pew Poetry: Writing lines of poetry in open spaces of the church bulletin

Napkin notes: Generating “novel” ideas on a restaurant napkin

Bathroom brainstorming sessions

The Writing’s on the Wall: The #1 Definitive Binge Writing Warning Bell

Binge writing an article about the dangers of binge writing

Remember, admitting the problem is the first step to overcoming the harmful harbinger, known as binge writing. Feel free to support others’ daily war against wordplay affliction. Please, suggest other irrefutable signs to increase binge writing awareness, share cautionary tales of addicted authors, and suggest rehabilitative strategies for the chronic compulsive composer. If compelled, freewill donations will further guide this worthy cause. United, we will find a cure for binge writing.

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