Is your child very rigid by nature? Does he throw a violent temper every time you ask him to do something good? Do people describe your offspring as a very stubborn and despicable character? Do you cry when he brings home his worst grades in subjects of study? Are you afraid that his life will get confined to making peanuts and running around workplaces? Do your relatives and own people say that it would have been better if your child was stillborn at birth?
Well, my dear parents, I see there is a chance to improve your child! The only thing you have to do is change your attitude towards him. Let’s go ahead.
Anger is a beautiful emotion. Any child losing his or her temper in the push and pull of life is not at all a sign that he or she is not normal in mind. The modern world has conferred many epithets on the children lagging behind in studies, extra-curricular activities ,such as dude, stupid ,nonsense and at times fool, donkey etc. The child’s anger is a natural response to the lack of proper assessment of the talent, lying within him or her.
A boy studying in standard-III was always hesitant to carry his school bag up to the class room. He insisted that his father carry it to the class-room from the gate of the school and keep on the top of the table where the boy used to sit. Father was fuming and fretting over such attitude of the boy.
I reasoned with the man-“Sir, you find his response irritating. Just see the bag weighs around 15 kgs. From the school-gate to class-room it takes 10 minutes. But your child carries it throughout the day, whereas you cannot bear the weight for ten minutes”.
The man withdrew himself shyly.
The world of our children is not free from burdens. Every child feels emotional towards his self and parents. Although physical punishment does not exist but psychological burden has increased manifold. A teenager attends the school for six to seven hours and then goes to tuition classes for three hours. Then he has to come back home and again has to revise his studies for two to three hours. Parents encourage their children to enroll in Engineering, Medical courses at an age between 18-20 years. So a boy or girl starts the career from an age of 21 or 22. Then they begin slogging in the corporate houses. Government jobs are less in number. So we are casting our children in such a mould that they shall be completely exhausted by the age of forty.
No, forty is a distant age period, as the things stand now, we can not imagine a child living a very happy life after being forty under these stressful conditions.
Anger is a very beautiful emotion. So now the stress is on understanding his emotion.
The word more applicable here is ‘empathy’ towards the emotions of a child, not forceful coercion of what goes by popular terms now-a-days.
I would cite the very heart touching instance of a child, whom I observed ten or eleven years back. That day there was a decisive match between India and Australia in one day cricket series. India had lost to Australia. We were normal after the match, even the match was out of mention in our talks. Just see emotions of the child. He burst in to tears and was at pains to accept the defeat of his motherland. He cried his heart out. I asked his father to bring him and made him sit on my lap, embraced and comforted him by patting his back. The boy sat keeping his head on my shoulder, sobbing in painful silence.
“Be watchful. He is very sensitive.”-I cautioned his father.
But the father had applied his idiotic judgment. Well he thought that he should feel proud for the behavior of the child as he was sired by him.
But I meant something really different; my intention was his father would apply his insight and be perceptive. But he just did the opposite. He rode roughshod over each and every action of the child in the coming years.
Oh my God, I saw the same child, who is at the threshold of youth now. Again when I started observing him I almost wept with my findings. The same sensitive child has now fully blown-up psychosomatic symptoms. I guessed what had gone over him in the last years. His parents had not forgotten to cast each and every spell in their books to make the boy extra-ordinary in studies. But he could not excel in any thing. Finally he is pursuing law in one autonomous university.
The boy stood there staring and mumbling something- his gaze fixed in the recesses of darkness of night. His face appeared melancholic without the cheerful smiles of his age. I knew at the moment that he was in the throes of a psychosomatic disorder, which would develop in to madness after some years.
My heart melted at this and I wiped my tears, hiding my face. I was in no condition to ask his parents as they would react.
Anger and stubbornness are two sides of a coin. Usually a child has the both or both the traits become manifest while the child grows up in the difficult world of learning.
There use empathy, try to step in to the small shoes that you make your child wear on his cute feet. Please do not kick him up with your adult boots. In the end you would only burn your fingers. Anger in the child is one of the finest emotions because every child is very true in his or her emotions. There is no falsehood in the buds of sensitivities of his heart. There is anger in him because obviously his sentiments are injured. That injury makes him handicapped in coping up. Such a condition makes a child angry and stubborn. Unless it is handled sensitively, one would just nip the flowering of a beautiful life in the bud. From the emotions of a child one can select a profession for him because he has to lead a virtuous professional life not being very emotional, rather with the perfect emotions to work efficiently.
My father narrated to me in my childhood the tale of a demon, which stayed in a park and was very unhappy because of the loneliness of the solitude. One day a group of naughty children visited the park and played merrily, whirled around the place. The demon for the first time forgot his depression and watched with gleeful curiosity the heavenly activities of the children.
Alas! The demon breathed its last when the vacation ended and the little angels stopped coming there. The parents must learn a lesson from the plight of the demon.
Srikanta Mohanty, MBA (Symbiosis)
HIG-1/60, BDA colony, Kapila prasad